


Roses In December

by grimeysociety



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Christmas, Christmas Decorations, Clint Barton Angst, Darcy Lewis Feels, F/M, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-09-26 00:25:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grimeysociety/pseuds/grimeysociety
Summary: Steve and Natasha have spent weeks in near isolation when Erik Selvig and his assistant Darcy Lewis show up a few days out from Christmas. They've been driving for weeks to reach someone who might know how to fix The Snap. With annoying determination, Darcy also wants to celebrate Christmas, and she threatens to dismantle Steve's rigid and lonely existence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ellerigby13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellerigby13/gifts).



> Welcome! This was an idea I got after seeing the first trailer for Endgame. Did anyone have the same visceral reaction as I did, basically rocking back and forth muttering, "Not like this, not like this, not like this..." ? 
> 
> This was written for the Shieldshock 2018 Fic Exchange, which was run by McGregorsWench. I'm so happy I got to write for Ellerigby13! She is so sweet, and I hope she enjoys this fic.
> 
> The title of this fic comes from a 1930's Christmas song I came across while perusing/researching on Spotify. It's very sweet, and very on-brand the vibe of this fic. You can listen to the track [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KA8nPYdy8_Y). I will also be making a Spotify playlist for this fic as I go. 
> 
> My aim is to start posting this fic and have it uploaded in its entirety by January 1st. I am in the timezone GMT +10 so many of you will see this on the 23rd, but I'm posting the first two chapters on Christmas Eve _my_ time.
> 
> Until about a week or so ago I had never used a beta. I asked ChocolateGate to help me with this fic and a few others and she's been a massive help! I couldn't have done this without her. Thank you so much! <3

_Without you I'm insignificant_

_Just nothing at all_

_With you I could work miracles_

_You make me feel that way_

_Anything you wish for, anything you say_

\- "Roses In December" by Dick Powell

 

 

**I.**

 

Weirdness followed Steve.

Weirdness seemed to follow Steve wherever he went.

That’s what he thought the second Erik Selvig and Darcy Lewis showed up at the compound in upstate New York, a few days before Christmas.

That morning, Steve got up the same way he had for the last two months. He couldn’t remember what made him do it, but once he shaved off his beard he kept himself clean-shaven. The razor on his skin was the first thing he felt most mornings–after the first pang of remembering where he was and what had happened–and then he had the same breakfast.

He gave Natasha a nod as she sat opposite him at the breakfast table, and then they’d most likely spend the hours in silence.

Except then the alarm went off for the front gate and Steve and Natasha checked the security feed to make sure there weren’t people trying to break into the locked facility.

There was an old station wagon and they couldn’t make out the people inside, until Natasha changed over to the second and third cameras that looked into the driver and passenger windows.

The man driving was Selvig, and it had been years since Steve saw the man, but he was unmistakably the same professor who Loki first influenced just months after Steve woke from the ice. His face was lined more than ever, and deep marks under his eyes indicated his exhaustion. The woman in the passenger seat wore a red beanie and glasses, and she squinted at the camera peering back at her.

“We’re in the right place, _right_?”

Steve cleared his throat. “Right?”

Both Selvig and the younger woman jumped at the sound of Steve’s voice over the speakers.

“Captain Rogers, I presume?” Selvig asked, and Steve remembered he couldn’t just nod all the time to communicate.

His voice felt rough with its lack of use that morning.

Natasha replied instead.

“Anybody else with you?”

“No, just – just us.”

It killed Steve every time someone relayed that kind of information. He was constantly reminded of Thanos’ devastating success when he saw someone from the past. From what Steve remembered, Jane Foster – Thor’s Jane – was working with Selvig.

“We’ll come get you. Drive up to the front.”

Natasha shut off the speaker and moved to get her jacket from the back of her chair. She moved with purpose, unlike Steve, who still stared at the screens that showed the younger woman beside Selvig in the car.

“That’s Darcy Lewis,” Natasha said, before Steve had the chance to ask.

He blinked. “How did you know that?”

“Clint. He updated some of the holofiles. Anyway, I recognised her from Thor’s footage in New Mexico.”

Steve frowned at the car as it moved past the gate that opened once Natasha pressed another button.

“We can trust her,” she added, and Steve crossed his arms again.

-

He didn’t uncross them once Selvig and Darcy Lewis were inside.

It was just the four of them on the compound since Clint was off again while Bruce took another sabbatical. Most of the time, Steve trusted that they were working on finding some way to fix everything.

Darcy dropped her duffel bag on the ground, her boots tracking in some dirt while Erik fumbled with a laptop before Natasha showed them places to put their stuff.

Steve hung around, keeping silent, surveying the visitors.

Erik was asking about Hank Pym when Steve’s eyes glued to Darcy as she tossed aside her beanie on a coffee table, running her fingers through her hair.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” the brunette said, her eyes elsewhere, checking the place out.

Steve opened his mouth to protest, but she pressed on.

“I know. Not my best line. Probably haven’t said that one since middle school.”

Steve stared at her, not saying anything while Natasha shook her head at Selvig.

“We haven’t seen or heard from Hank Pym, or his associates –”

“You mean Scott Lang?” Steve asked, turning his head away from Darcy.

She threw herself into an armchair, closing her eyes and tilting her head back.

She sighed, and Steve’s eyes flicked over her momentarily before snapping back to Natasha, who’d narrowed her eyes.

He’d deal with her later. Selvig looked agitated.

“I used to work with Hank Pym years ago, but my point is that I need someone with the understanding of quantum mechanics so we can harness the energy to fix the Snap.”

“The Snap?” Steve repeated, and Selvig nodded. “How did you know Thanos snapped his fingers?”

“The cosmos is inside his head,” Natasha murmured, and Steve remembered, swallowing.

“Right.”

There was an awkward pause.

“We need Hank Pym, Scott Lang, or even Tony Stark,” came Darcy’s voice, and Steve saw she’d opened her eyes again, looking exhausted.

“Great,” Steve muttered. “Except Hank Pym, his daughter and Scott Lang are all missing.”

He glanced at Natasha, who shared his resignation.

“And Thor’s been looking for Tony this whole time.”

Steve let that settle over the group, and nobody said anything until Darcy stretched, jumping up from her chair.

“I need a shower,” she said, and Steve blinked at her expectant look.

“Upstairs,” he replied, and she nodded, walking off toward the stairs in the distance.

“How’d you even get here?” Natasha asked, and Darcy called out a reply over her shoulder.

“We drove from Nevada!”

“You drove up, from _Nevada_ , to here?” Steve asked Selvig.

Before the professor could reply, Darcy yelled out again.

“What did I _just_ say?”

-

Twenty minutes later, they all sat at the breakfast table, Darcy’s hair wet from her shower and laying limp on her shoulders while she and Erik nursed their cups of coffee.

They’d been driving for days, and for the longest time Darcy convinced herself that once they reached the Avengers she and Erik would be fine.

They could set to work on bringing Jane back.

Well, all the other people Thanos the Purple Thumb Fuckhead turned to ashes as well, but Jane was on the top of their list.

Except after arriving at the compound with only the Black Widow and Captain America there with grave faces and zero answers, she began to doubt they’d devise a plan by Christmas.

Hanukkah had been kind of a disaster, and although Darcy was half Jewish, she and Jane always diligently used the Foster menorah every year. Without Jane there, Darcy couldn’t face lighting it each night, and in their haste she’d left the menorah behind in Nevada anyway.

Darcy lit a candle each night anyway, wondering if Jane could somehow know she was doing it.

Christmas was only a fleeting thought whenever they stopped in a town long enough to fill up the gas tank before peeling off again, and all Erik spoke about was Pym and his theories.

The Avengers were all but gone, and maybe they couldn’t pull off interdimensional travel.

“I’m guessing there’s a high chance Tony Stark is dead?” Darcy asked, and she saw Captain America close his eyes briefly as her words hit him.

Black Widow looked at her hands resting around her own mug and nodded.

“I didn’t mean to sound flippant. But you haven’t heard from Thor, and he’s been gone months –”

“We don’t know if he went to ashes like the others. He might be alive out there.”

“In space?” Darcy said, one eyebrow raised. “His suit is that good?”

Captain America shrugged. “We weren’t exactly communicating when he went missing.”

Darcy sensed some regret in his tone, but didn’t press him. She felt like she was the last person he wanted to talk to.

She felt useless just sitting there, waiting around, for what?

She turned her head to Erik, lowering her voice.

“Maybe we should find a hotel.”

“And then what, Darcy?” Erik asked, his own voice calmer and gentler than her own.

“We regroup.”

“You can stay here as long as you want,” Black Widow piped up, making Darcy’s eyes swivel away from Erik.

She didn’t know what to make of the pair. They seemed weary, and Darcy didn’t want to hang around them longer than they had to. Last she heard, they were wanted criminals, and they were probably only staying at the compound because there wasn’t anyone there to stop them.

She spent months chasing things with Erik. He’d have a dream and jot down something, then he’d ask her to research the multiverse and Schrödinger's cat, though she was certain he knew the theories like the back of his hand. He told her what to read so that she could keep up in her own way, and she appreciated his patience.

Since Jane was gone, Darcy noticed him being nicer to her, and she was less likely to act out around him, either. Not that she stopped feeling anything. She just tried not to show it too much around him, because she considered it a distraction. All she wanted was a solution, and crying never brought anybody back.

She learned that every time she went to bed crying herself to sleep, only to wake up and relive the Snap each morning.

The collective silence was broken when Darcy shoved her chair back, the legs scraping loudly along the floor. She stood, surveying everyone.

“Fine. Except I can’t live here if Christmas is going to be like a funeral home.”

She walked off, and no-one objected.

She piled on her layers, wrapping her favorite scarf around her neck, her hair still wet as the cool air hit her again as she stepped outside. She tugged on her boots, keys jangling.

She needed a task. She needed something with a goal, even if it was just for her.

She took off in the station wagon, feeling eyes on her as she exited via the same gate as earlier.

-

Natasha said she’d relay a few messages to Clint and Steve. She turned to Erik, advising him to take it easy.

The older man looked like a wreck, and Steve didn’t want to fill Selvig’s head with empty promises, that he’d feel better after a nap or ten – because even if he wanted to believe it, he knew Selvig knew better.

Steve was left alone, so he did the only thing he ever did right.

Running meant the wind whistling, the blood rushing in his ears, the feel of his muscles burning once he pushed far enough.

He always thought of Sam when he ran. That was the main letdown. Through his escape, he was stuck with his thoughts, and inevitably they led to his failings.

He was no longer conceited enough to believe that he could fix the Snap. He appreciated the new name for it – because it illustrated perfectly the seemingly simple action of a genocidal megalomaniac. And no matter what he tried to do at the time, Steve still failed.

He stopped once he couldn’t breathe anymore, the sun beginning to set behind him. He must have been out there for hours, circling the compound.

As he bent over at the waist, sweat pouring down his brow, he could make out sounds in the distance.

He ignored it, stalking off toward his side of the compound where his room was.

“FRIDAY, play music playlist,” he announced as he entered his front door, a hand reaching between his shoulder blades to tug his shirt up and off.

His shirt fell to the floor as he walked into the bathroom, the speakers above his head filling the apartment with music.

It was a song he knew from when he was a teenager. He paused at the sink as the faucet sensed his hands, the cool water running over his skin.

 

_Give me your love and I can make_

_The most impossible things come true_

_Blue shadows never, sunshine forever_

_Roses in December for you_

Steve splashed his face, and then looked at his reflection in the mirror. It was always jarring. Often enough, if he could get away with it, Steve never had the lights on in the bathroom so that he could avoid seeing his own face altogether.

“FRIDAY, shut up.”

The music stopped abruptly and Steve sighed, looking away from the mirror and pressing his wet mouth into his shoulder.

Again, he could hear the same distant music from earlier, but now it had a different tempo.

He suppressed his groan as he realized it was Christmas music blasting from the lounge.

-

Darcy seemed determined to celebrate Christmas, by how she’d decorated the lounge.

Steve’s eyes gravitated to the shiniest parts of the display as he walked in.

There was tinsel, stockings, and a Christmas tree in the middle of it all, with presents underneath it. Darcy was in the middle of decorating the tree, putting a gold bauble on the highest branches.

“You must have been doing this for hours,” Steve said, and Darcy jumped, her hand at her chest.

She shot him a glare, and he held up a hand.

“Sorry.”

There was no way she had heard him sneak up on her with the music so loud.

Steve shoved his hands in his pockets, watching Darcy as she circled the tree with more tinsel, wrapping it in more silver and gold.

“Where did you even get all this stuff?”

“I’m very resourceful,” she said over her shoulder. “In New Mexico we had one general store and ten miles of desert in between us and the next town, so I had to deal with slim pickings then, too.”

Steve walked up to the tree, poking a little rocking horse ornament with a finger before returning his hand to his pocket. His eyebrows hiked.

“You did a really good job.”

“Thank you.”

Her voice was soft, and Steve didn’t expect himself to react, but he suddenly didn’t want to go back to his room straight away.

“The tree’s fake.”

Darcy made a face, rolling her eyes. “Just let me have this win, okay – ?”

She paused, pressing her lips together and Steve realized she didn’t know how to address him.

“Steve,” he said, and she nodded.

She looked away, her voice soft once more.

“I need a win today, Steve.”

Everything about her caught him off-guard. The way she barged into the compound, the way she spoke, the way she was staring into space now with the tree in front of them.

The music blared but felt forgotten as Steve thought he should try bringing her back to the present.

“What’s going on the top?” he said, nodding at the tree.

Darcy turned her head.

“Star.”

“What? No,” Steve retorted, and he felt himself smile for the first time in weeks.

It was just a brief quirk of his lips, but Darcy returned the gesture, her smile much wider.

She had a gap in her front teeth.

“Angel always. Angels over stars.”

“Alright, Grandpa. Maybe when I used to believe in angels when I was a kid – ”

“ _Grandpa?”_ Steve repeated, tilting his head at her. He meant to look pissed off by her choice of words, but all he wanted to do was smile back at her mischievousness. “What’s so old-fashioned about an angel on top of a Christmas tree?”

“This one lights up,” Darcy said, bending over to reach a box on the floor.

Steve’s eyes fell to the line of her back, and inevitably traveled to her ass that strained in her leggings, and he blinked several times before looking away.

Darcy shoved batteries into its side and placed the star on top of the tree, stepping back to admire her work.

“It does light up,” Steve said, and Darcy smiled again. “It’s impressive.”

“I’ll find you tomorrow and give you your Santa hat.”

Steve grimaced, alarmed. “No, Darcy.”

It was the first time he’d said her name out loud, liking each new syllable. Darcy attempted to suppress her glee, but Steve knew she wasn’t one to take no for an answer.

She was a woman on a mission.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm alright with a slow burn_  
_Taking my time, let the world turn_  
_I'm gonna do it my way, it'll be alright_

\- "Slow Burn" by Kacey Musgraves

 

 

 

**II.**

 

 

Darcy knew she was in trouble.

Once Steve left her alone once more in the lounge with the Christmas tree and her decorations, the music sounded less sweet, the tinsel less shiny.

She sighed, knowing that she wished he would come back. She knew she wanted to please him, and even hated him a little for having that power over her so soon.

She did not know Steve Rogers, and he already had enough going through his mind. He was clearly struggling with everything that transpired with Thanos.

What surprised her the most about him was how accepting he was of his own grief, when she could have sworn Captain America was the world’s best fighter because of his spirit.

She couldn’t imagine him being alone with her again so soon.

-

Steve was rattled. Darcy Lewis was too assuming.

 _Assume makes an ass out of ‘u’ and ‘me’._ He thought of the saying as he went to bed, staring at the ceiling.

Steve decided she irritated him. Her behavior-coming into the compound like that and making the place look ridiculous because she felt like it- rubbed him the wrong way.

Too friendly, and yet she was crass. She was abrupt with her sentences, so flippant about the rules and what was appropriate.

This random girl decided Christmas was a priority, and now Steve would have to play along with it to avoid offending her. And yet part of him really didn’t care if he hurt her feelings.

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling in the dark, and without much warning, the memory of her round ass invaded his mind.

He had been looking, but he didn’t mean to. Steve felt a little ashamed for her sake, because he didn’t believe anyone was in the right state to be looked at that way.

And besides, this Lewis woman wasn’t his to look at. He had no idea if she had a husband, boyfriend, whatever – he didn’t know her at all.

He felt the blush on his cheeks fade as he closed his eyes, determined to drift off.

-

The next morning, Darcy raced down to the field.

She shivered despite the thick coat she borrowed from Erik, seeing her breath in front of her face.

She didn’t expect to see Steve racing by, dressed as if it was summer while she stood beside the track with the Santa hat in one gloved hand.

She waved at the blur that was Steve Rogers and he came back around, slowing down as he neared her. He was panting, sweat pouring from his forehead down his face, his skin glowing in the morning sun.

Darcy supposed it would be pornographic if he ran without a shirt, and so she was thankful for the grey t-shirt he wore that was soaked through.

She could smell him, and she was surprised he smelt of anything at all – he seemed so clean. His pristine appearance made Darcy uncomfortable for the most part.

He didn’t return her smile, just frowned at the Santa hat she held aloft and shook his head.

“I hoped you weren’t serious.”

“Come on! It’s Christmas,” Darcy retorted, and then felt herself cringe inwardly at her lame choice of words, but Steve only quirked his eyebrows.

“I’ll think about it.”

Darcy knew that meant no, but he was too polite to say. She nodded, shrugging a little as a silence fell over them.

The air was so still that all Darcy could hear was Steve panting beginning to slow down, his breathing returning to normal.

Darcy looked at the ground and scuffed her boot.

“It’s so quiet here. There are hardly any birds.”

“When Thanos used the Gauntlet, half of life was wiped out,” Steve said, and Darcy’s eyes snapped back up to his.

He wiped his forehead on his short sleeve.

“All life, not just humans.”

“That fucking sucks,” Darcy muttered, because it was the first thing she thought of to say. She froze, wondering if Steve was the type to chide her for cussing.

She pressed her lips together but Steve’s mouth pulled into a small bitter smile.

“No, you’re right. It fuckin’ sucks.”

He broke off into a jog without warning and Darcy stepped back in shock, but all he did was race off towards the residence buildings on the other side of the field.

She mistook last night for an offer of friendship. He was clearly not interested in interacting with her if he could help it, and Darcy stared down at the Santa hat she still held, shaking her head.

“Stupid,” she muttered.

-

Darcy walked off to the kitchen and threw the Santa hat on the bench, wanting to forget about it, and rifled through the cupboards to find something to snack on.

A box of cornflakes was calling out to her, and she began eating it by the handful, leaning against the sink with her eyes on the door, wondering about what she could do now that the tree was up.

She could go out again and get baking ingredients. She missed the taste of gingerbread. If she made it for everyone, it would justify her own eventual pigging out.

Black Widow walked into the kitchen, pausing as she saw Darcy eating the cornflakes.

“You sleep well?” she asked, and Darcy shrugged.

“So-so,” she muttered. “You?”

Natasha shrugged back, going to a cupboard near Darcy’s head, grabbing a mug from the vast collection inside.

“I never do,” the blonde admitted.

Darcy watched her make her coffee, staring out the window as the machine whirred and spat out the steaming brew.

Darcy imagined she’d be taller.

“What do I call you?”

“My name, I’d hope,” the blonde replied, her lips quirking. She turned her head away from the view. “I have a few names.”

“What’s your least favorite?” Darcy asked, feeling something in her chest loosen.

“Natalia is my birth name. My American Natasha is better,” Natasha said.

She grabbed her coffee and walked over to the table, spotted the Santa hat, which she brushed aside while giving Darcy a pointed look.

“I offered it to Steve,” Darcy said, shaking her head. “After he came running by me on my way here.”

Natasha didn’t say anything, but her eyebrows rose as she sipped her coffee.

“Does he always run like that?” Darcy tilted her head, picturing him hurtling around. “Is he _trying_ to kill himself?”

Something passed over Natasha’s face and Darcy instantly regretted her poor choice of words, and the moment passed, the conversation dropped.

Darcy was still eating the cornflakes out of the packet when Steve walked in, his hair wet from a shower, wearing clean clothes.

Darcy’s eyes flitted to his bare feet and then his face, which was contorted into a frown.

“Those are mine,” he said, and Darcy looked down at her hand in the cereal box.

“OH! Sorry, dude,” she muttered, taking her hand out and wiping it on her leggings, noticing there was significantly less in the box than when she first started snacking.

“I think you’re almost out,” she added, attempting a sheepish smile.

Steve didn’t look at her, and instead he went to the cupboard to get a mug.

“I could make you something else,” Darcy offered.

Steve stabbed the coffee machine’s buttons and waited while Darcy kept going.

“Pancakes. Chocolate chip ones, maybe? I saw there’s an abundance of eggs, so maybe an omelette?”

Steve turned back from the coffee machine, his mug close to his lips as he muttered with his eyes locked on Darcy:

“Or you could just _not_ steal my food.”

There was a loud scraping as Natasha pushed back her chair and left them alone without another word.

Darcy turned the box over to check, feeling her face grow hot.

“It doesn’t have your name on it.”

“I didn’t have my name on it because everyone knows –”

“’Everyone’, meaning the three other people who live here?” Darcy interjected, but Steve didn’t slow down.

“- that it’s _my_ cereal.”

He was genuinely upset about his goddamn cornflakes. Darcy made her third mistake that morning.

She rolled her eyes at him.

To be clear, she looked at the ceiling and sighed without thinking, and it only seemed to make him angrier.

“You know what? You’re a brat.”

“What?” Darcy snapped, and she took the few steps toward Steve. She shoved the near-empty box into his chest and scowled at him. “I’ll _get_ you some when I go to the store!”

She stomped away, down the hallway and then nearly straight into Natasha, who was still drinking her coffee.

She seemed to be waiting for her.

“If you’re going to the store, buy him a big marker to write his name on everything that’s his.”

“Do you encourage him?” Darcy fired back, and the smile faded from Natasha’s face.

“He’s very – he’s not – anyway.” Natasha drained her mug and sighed. “Could you get me some vodka, please?”

Darcy nodded, and then remembered something from yesterday.

“You speak to Bruce Banner or Hawkeye yet?”

She didn’t know exactly what to call either of the two men. She knew Bruce Banner used to work with Erik before his accident. She supposed calling him “The Hulk” was not strictly polite. Hawkeye on the other hand – she couldn’t remember his other name.

“Bruce is on his way back,” Natasha said. “I’m not sure about Clint.”

Clint. Hawkeye’s name was Clint. Darcy would need to remember that if she chose to stick around long enough to see their return.

Given Steve’s frosty reception so far, she was considering asking Erik if it was worth them staying there.

“Where’s Clint?”

“He’s on a job,” came Steve’s voice, and Darcy spun around to see him walking toward them, and he moved past Darcy with little recognition, instead looking at Natasha.

“I doubt he wants to come back any time soon, Cap,” Natasha murmured, and Darcy took it as a sign she should leave.

When people lowered their voice around her, Darcy knew they didn’t mean for her to hear. After Steve chewed her out earlier, she wanted to become part of the wallpaper more than ever.

She sighed, crossing her arms as she peeled off, trying to remember which way the labs were. There was the south wing and the north wing, and she couldn’t remember where Erik’s stuff was being kept.

-

Once Darcy was out of earshot, Natasha glared at Steve.

“If she leaves because of you, I’ll be pissed,” she said, and Steve didn’t doubt it for a second.

His only excuse for behaving so poorly earlier was that everything happened so quickly, and he acted without thinking first.

He still frowned at Natasha, not quite ready to apologize. The annoyance that Darcy Lewis brought on had settled inside him, and he wanted to let it fester. He wanted to feel something other than what he’d felt for months since Thanos.

“She doesn’t live here,” he retorted, and Natasha’s eyebrows rose.

“You’re not even treating her like she’s a _guest_ , let alone a resident,” she threw back. “She’s like a – a tourist.”

Steve looked away, feeling shame begin to grow over the annoyance.

In another life, he would have been mortified for acting the way he did in the kitchen. But this was now, and Darcy was walking around like she was perfectly comfortable with everything, and it bothered him.

He didn’t need Natasha to tell him what he did was wrong, and she knew that, too. She just hadn’t acted like this in a while – sticking her nose in his business.

For weeks all he’d done was brood and run, and she said nothing. With Selvig and Darcy Lewis there, everything was churned up again and Steve had to pretend he still had manners.

Maybe it was too disconcerting for Natasha to see her friend act that way around a virtual stranger, but even Steve didn’t buy that.

“Why do you care if she leaves, anyway?”

What on Earth could Natasha get out of a friendship with Darcy Lewis? They seemed like total opposites, and he’d never known Natasha to even have female friends.

Natasha’s eyes narrowed.

“For _weeks_ I didn’t even see another woman until yesterday. We need them here, Steve.”

This was news to Steve. Most of the time he was by himself, never keeping track of Natasha’s comings and goings. Bruce was usually off somewhere, always coming back frustrated, and Clint was off assassinating whoever he could find.

Natasha was telling him she was suffocating and he hadn’t even noticed.

Steve closed his eyes and the thoughts piled on.

_You useless sack of shit._

Before, all someone had to do was point him in the right direction and he’d go and fight. Now he had no idea what he was doing.

Steve opened his eyes and saw Natasha was looking at him differently, her eyebrows knitted together with concern.

He couldn’t handle her worrying about him.

“Right. I’ll make it up to her,” he murmured.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my loves! Enjoy your Christmas in whichever way you do. Be safe, have some fun. I hope to update this tomorrow. <3
> 
> Edit: There are many memes that fit and [these](https://66.media.tumblr.com/5ffbe7daa09905185611c0388afc265a/tumblr_opjwuklGuz1s4obuko7_540.png) two are some of my faves.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments and kudos so far! This part's got some smut in it, and is un-beta'd.

 

_Guess I'm a coward_

_I just want to feel alright_

  _And I know no one will save me_

_I just need someone to kiss_

 

\- "Nobody" by Mitski

 

 

**III.**

 

 

 

Darcy spent her morning in the lab playing with her phone.

Her anger from earlier dissipated as she listened to music while Erik muttered to himself as he wrote in a notebook.

Occasionally Erik would look up from his writing to make eye contact with Darcy, and she got the feeling that he forgot where he was. She was his anchor, and the incident with Steve seemed dumber the more time she spent with Erik.

She poured herself another coffee, scrolling through her Spotify. It was hard to find new music that wasn’t entirely depressive. Lana Del Rey somehow got sadder, which Darcy didn’t think was possible. It was hard to keep track of which artists were even alive anymore.

She settled for something light and poppy, the trashy kind of stuff she used to listen to with Jane while Erik groaned about the death of good music.

Her stomach grumbled and she knew she couldn’t ignore it forever.

She walked over to the other side of the facility, hoping she could avoid seeing anybody else if she was quick enough. She’d grab a stale piece of bread with peanut butter and call it lunch if she had to.

Wanting to avoid people reminded her too much of college when she had the worst roommate alive. She didn’t want to remember that time, or any other time, given that every memory was now tainted with wondering who from the past survived The Snap.

Darcy’s mom was safe, but her stepfather wasn’t. Darcy visited her twice, but now that Erik was close to being full-blown crazy again, she couldn’t risk running off.

She sent her mom another text asking her how she was while she waited for her toast to pop.

She heard footsteps, and given how everyone’s luck was those days, she wondered why she ever hoped to not run into Steve Rogers.

She looked away from him, her cheeks burning as she pretended to be absorbed in her phone.

Steve did not speak as he went to the refrigerator and got out mayonnaise and placed it on one of the benches with the view of the outside. He grabbed a plate, and Darcy was only half watching him while she held her phone close to her face with narrowed eyes.

He moved so smoothly. Darcy saw that his grace came from the way he carried his body. Even when he turned around and glared over his coffee at her that morning, he moved with the precision of a dancer, and Darcy thought he might not realize it.

He didn’t give off an air of showing off.

“Bruce is back.”

“Huh?” Darcy said, glancing up from Steve’s hands holding his pieces of bread to his face.

He pointed out the window and Darcy turned, seeing two figures standing together in the field below.

“Is that Natasha with him?” Darcy murmured, and Steve nodded.

She forgot she was meant to be angry at him, and moved closer to him to look outside.

Her toast popped but she ignored it, and they stared in silence at the exchange.

Bruce and Natasha’s heads were close together, both their faces grave, their eyes searching one another.

“They’re together, right?” Darcy muttered.

Steve looked at her face and then back at the others.

“In a way.”

“Who’s gonna kiss the other first?”

Darcy didn’t feel wrong, staring at the private moment occurring. She suspected people thought the same about Erik and herself whenever they raced through a town together.

Steve was right. Darcy was kind of a brat, and she didn’t feel any shame in watching Bruce and Natasha’s intimacy play out.

What surprised her was that Steve showed no signs of looking away, either.

“Natasha.”

Steve had the advantage. He knew Natasha well enough, and Darcy had never spoken to Bruce.

She remembered Culver alumni, and the gossip surrounding him once he left.

She remembered Betty Ross.

“I bet you five bucks that Bruce kisses her first.”

“Deal,” Steve fired back.

Darcy smiled, and they lapsed back into silence as they waited.

Whatever they were talking about, it seemed to become heated, and Bruce and Natasha looked close to shouting, until Bruce stopped, clamping his mouth shut as if to compose himself.

Next, he grabbed Natasha by the waist and pulled her toward him, kissing her.

“Oh, shit!” Darcy yelled, her hand up. At the same time Steve’s eyebrows shot up as he said, “Huh.”

Darcy looked away from the kissing pair and held out her hand to Steve.

“Five whole dollars, please.”

Steve shook his head a little, but he was a good sport, taking out his wallet from his back pocket and pulling out a few notes. He placed them in Darcy’s palm, her grin widening.

“I can spend it on some cornflakes,” she murmured, and Steve’s mouth fell open.

Before he could retort, she walked off with her hand still up in triumph as she clutched the dollar bills.

-

She went without the damn toast and drove the station wagon to the nearest grocery store.

She made a whole event of it, taking a shopping cart and whistling to herself as she perused the aisles.

Cornflakes were thrown into the cart along with several other cereals. Next came bagels, powdered doughnuts, Little Debbie snacks, Oreos, Pop Tarts and a few bottles of soda.

After all that, she found a recipe for gingerbread on her phone and got the ingredients for that, along with eggnog, vodka for Natasha, and some brandy for Erik.

She even bought sunglasses at the little turnstile while she waited in line to pay.

Upon leaving, Darcy was too pleased with her haul to even contemplate how much it all cost her.

She cruised along the parking lot, jumping up onto her cart as she drifted, the sun beginning to set in the distance.

-

The second Steve heard the station wagon pull up at the gate marking Darcy’s return he felt butterflies in his stomach.

He hadn’t felt something like that it years, and he was so self-conscious that when she came into the kitchen with her arms full of grocery bags, it took Steve a few seconds to remember she wasn’t that strong and it would be best if he helped her.

He shot up from his seat and to his surprise she let him take a few bags from her, laying them on the bench.

She didn’t grunt or shoot him a death stare. Instead she gave him a little nod of appreciation before leaning down to turn the oven on.

“You had dinner?”

“Yeah. I had cheese fries,” she murmured.

Steve returned to his seat and watched her bustle around the kitchen as she put food away. She left a bag of flour on the counter top and Steve wondered what she was doing.

She pursed her lips as she read from her phone, muttering about butter as she scrolled, and Steve’s eyes travelled from her small hands up to her face.

She seemed so at ease and he envied that. Her hair was piled up on her head messily, and Steve could see her face was bare and glowing. She began to measure out some of the flour in a mixing bowl with her eyes squinting behind her smudged glasses.

Steve finally looked away down at his empty plate. He should leave her to it. She seemed to be settling in for the night and he didn’t want to spoil that.

She was bound to make a mess, though. Except he knew she didn’t care too much about that, with the state of her sweatpants that hung low on her hips. There was a strip of skin showing between her waistband and her shirt and Steve swallowed, feeling something stir low in his gut.

She didn’t ask him to leave. She was in her own world over there, starting to throw other things into the mixing bowl.

“You want music?” Steve asked and Darcy’s eyes shot up to his.

There was an awkward pause.

“Sure, man.”

She was carefree, shrugging at Steve with her tone like that. Her cardigan had fallen off one of her shoulders, exposing her bra strap, and Steve chastised himself the second he spotted it.

“FRIDAY,” Steve said, his voice thankfully level. “Play whatever she had on last night.”

He could have used better words. He could almost picture Bucky shaking his head at him –

He shot up from his chair, utensils clattering, and Darcy froze mid-pour.

He walked out of the kitchen without another word.

He needed to run. He let out a shaky breath once the cool air hit him outside.

-

Darcy was pretty sure she was there on borrowed time. She came back to the compound with all her food, shoving everything away without so much as greeting Steve, and then he left so suddenly she wondered if she overstepped her boundaries for the umpteenth time.

She was making gingerbread. She could be doing worse things, like trimming her toenails or leaving used Kleenexes wedged between the couch cushions, like she used to do as a kid.

She looked around the kitchen, seeing other dirty dishes in the sink. Hopefully Erik had eaten something. The sun was down by the time she got back and she didn’t recall him having lunch.

She made gingerbread men, leaving them to cool on a rack while she cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher.

“FRIDAY?” she asked, the exchange already odd to her.

“Yes, Miss Lewis?”

“I couldn’t find something for the dishwasher –”

“I load the detergent automatically.”

“Oh,” Darcy murmured, thankful that the AI didn’t sound too condescending. “Thanks.”

She walked off to find Erik whose face was resting on a stack of papers. She let out a little sigh of relief as she spotted half a sandwich on a plate near his forgotten pen.

Most likely he’d eat that later. She filled his water glass and left him.

She almost collided with Steve as she reached the kitchen again, her hand out and brushing his arm.

It was barely even a touch but she felt the heat of his skin, and she sucked in a breath, feeling herself blush in embarrassment or whatever else she felt –

“I meant to say sorry,” Steve began, and Darcy shot him a glance, trying to find an irony to his tone.

He seemed genuine, rubbing his hands together before placing them on his hips.

“I’m sorry, Darcy. I was –”

“An asshole?” Darcy prompted, and she half expected him to tell her to pack her bags.

“Yeah, ‘asshole’ is accurate. I was an asshole. I’m sorry,” he murmured.

He looked at her with a brief flash of vulnerability that made Darcy pause.

He turned away toward the table where his dirty dishes were before Darcy cleared the space, and he picked up the Santa hat.

“And thank you for this,” he added, and he put it on.

Darcy burst out laughing. She covered her mouth with one hand before she got too carried away, shaking her head.

“You don’t have to do that,” she said, her words broken by giggles. “You’re right – I’m a brat. I’m super annoying.”

“You’re not that annoying,” Steve countered, and Darcy pulled her hand away, pressing her lips together.

For a few moments, all they did was look at each other as Mariah Carey kept playing faintly over their heads, Steve’s hat still on.

Darcy glanced over her shoulder at the pile of gingerbread men.

“I need to ice those, but then maybe… do you want to hang out?”

She was possessed by an insufferable need for companionship, and although she used to be content with just her music and her phone in a bed alone, being around people other than Erik was making her want to involve herself.

She didn’t buy all that food for herself, and she still had Steve’s money in her wallet.

“Okay. Can we watch _Die Hard_?”

That threw Darcy for a second, and she tilted her head at Steve.

“Since when do you like _Die Hard_? No offence.”

“None taken,” Steve replied, a smile appearing. “I meant to watch it with – someone –”

Darcy understood. Before the Snap, he meant. That someone was special to him, and she couldn’t help wondering who that person could have been.

A girlfriend? Did Steve have a girlfriend that died?

She pushed away that thought, because it didn’t matter. She could pretend for a little while that they were just two people watching a movie a couple of days out from Christmas. She could pretend that nothing was wrong.

“You’ve seen it?” Steve asked, and Darcy nodded.

Steve went off to the lounge to set up the movie while Darcy iced the cookies, sticking M&Ms on the front of their bodies while she tried to ignore the way her heartrate picked up.

Time alone with Steve, sharing the couch, the light low while they watched a movie.

She cleared her throat, determined to shake off her nervousness.

He was trying to be friendly and she needed to get a grip.

She was putting the cookies in an empty tin when Natasha breezed in, Bruce Banner behind her, rubbing his hands together.

Just like Darcy, he seemed nervous.

“Hey, I’m Darcy,” she said, and Bruce’s eyes flitted over her, as if he was trying to place her.

“I’m Bruce,” he murmured, and Natasha’s lips quirked briefly while she rummaged through the cupboards.

“Vodka’s in the freezer,” Darcy said as she pointed and Natasha nodded.

“I’ll get… glasses,” Bruce said, looking around before Darcy indicated another cupboard where the crystal was kept.

He pursed his lips as he tried to decide which ones to take.

“Goblets,” Darcy offered. “I’m guessing you’ll be drinking more than a thimble.”

Bruce stared at the tiny shot glass he had in one hand before putting it back and taking out the larger glasses.

“You baking?” Natasha asked, and Darcy turned her head toward her.

“I just finished. You can have some.”

“Maybe later. What are you up to?”

“Watching a movie with Steve,” Darcy replied.

Feeling Natasha’s eyes on her as she spoke about Steve cause her cheeks to redden immediately.

This hadn’t happened in years – she never grew flustered so easily. She blamed her lack of human contact over the last few months. Before the Snap, there was one guy she met on Bumble that never called her back. She was pretty sure his name was Craig.

She never looked him up after Thanos. Most likely, he was gone like everybody else.

“Oh,” Natasha said. The blonde and Bruce looked surprised, and Darcy shrugged.

“We’re gonna watch _Die Hard_.”

“Well, enjoy,” Natasha said, and Darcy nodded.

The three of them walked out of the kitchen and down the corridor, the lounge room being on the way to whichever room Natasha and Bruce were heading to.

None of them spoke, until Darcy walked over to the lounge where Steve sat.

He turned his head and took in Natasha and Bruce with their glasses and vodka and his eyebrows hitched slightly, before he turned his head back toward the TV, an odd expression on his face.

“Goodnight, Nat,” Steve called, as Natasha and Bruce continued on, Bruce looking back at Darcy for a second.

“ _Night_ ,” Darcy mouthed, wanting to giggle at how uncomfortable he was.

Once they were out of view, Darcy moved around the couch and sat down beside Steve, who looked at her face from the side.

“Are they…?”

Darcy took a bite out of her cookie and nodded, saying nothing.

Steve shifted a little in his seat.

-

They sat through the movie in near total silence, except for parts that made Steve chuckle.

Darcy decided she felt better being there with him than being alone in her room.

Close to the end of the film, she looked at the top of his head and smiled a little.

“What is it?” Steve asked, not looking at her.

Darcy didn’t know he was watching her back.

“Your hat. It was cute, but I think it would distract me too much if you kept it on.”

Steve crossed his arms, shifting in his seat, still keeping his eyes on the screen.

“Head got too hot wearin’ it.”

Darcy glanced at his bare arms.

“You were steaming this morning when I saw you. You always that hot?”

Steve turned his head and their eyes met, and Darcy felt her stomach flip at the sight of his consuming eyes.

“Literally steaming,” Darcy added, feeling her body give her away – a blush crept along her face and down her neck.

Steve’s eyes flitted over her and Darcy finally looked away, wanting to leave.

Maybe she didn’t want to leave, she just wanted to create some distance between them, because suddenly the couch felt stupidly small for both their bodies.

“I’m usually a sweaty wreck,” he finally replied. His tone was dry and Darcy could still feel his eyes on her.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Darcy whispered.

Her hands were going numb. She balled them into fists into her lap, keeping her eyes trained on Bruce Willis. She felt the air change; he was moving again beside her.

She turned toward him, seeing him leaning over.

Her heart raced as she edged closer to him, her hands moving to clutch at his shirt.

Darcy felt out of control, but that was nothing new. She just got better at hiding it, and she knew that if she stopped to think for too long she’d lose her nerve.

She felt his breath on her mouth, their noses brushing as the hard shape of him pressed up against her. He felt warm just like she expected, his arm wrapping around her waist.

Her eyes didn’t close until after their first kiss, which was tentative and slow. It ignited a heat low in her belly, and all Darcy could do was kiss him again, eyes fluttering shut as the tips of their tongues touched. Their mouths slanted together as Steve’s tongue swept into her mouth, with a heat and devastation Darcy hadn’t felt in years.

She never thought she’d feel like this again, needy for another person’s touch. Her hands were in his hair, and before long, she threw a leg over him and straddled his lap, never breaking their kiss.

He grabbed a handful of her ass and Darcy sighed, his touch spurring her on, her hips rolling in his lap.

She felt the swell of his erection in his sweatpants and she drew back, panting.

Steve’s mouth was pink and shining, his hair mussed, and his eyes were dark in the dim light.

Darcy shuffled back further, and Steve’s hand left her rear. There was a flash of something, disappointment. She could see that she dashed his hopes. He must have thought she was refusing him.

He bit his lip once Darcy pulled down her leggings along with her underwear, her lower half naked as she stood in front of him.

She wished she could have a framed photograph of the expression on his face when his eyes flittered to the space between her legs.

She climbed back on top of him, kissing his Adam’s apple and pushing him into the couch, his head falling back.

“Fuck,” he hissed, when she rubbed against his dick with her hand, coaxing him.

She lifted her hips to let him pull his sweatpants down far enough, and his cock sprang free, heavy and thick.

He aimed his dick upwards, waiting for Darcy. She nodded her consent, and shifted again to let herself be lowered down onto him.

She sucked in a breath when he breached her, staring into his wide eyes.

“Wait a sec,” he whispered, he fumbled for the TV remote and turned the volume up a few notches.

“You think I can’t be quiet?” Darcy asked, and she sank further until he was fully seated inside her.

“It’s not for you,” Steve countered, his voice tight.

Darcy grinned, her hips beginning to circle. Steve’s head fell back again, his eyes falling shut.

He looked like he was going to finish already, and Darcy didn’t mind. It was flattering, in a way, since he was so handsome and she was out of practice.

Her knees were already starting to ache, and she huffed, bucking harder and faster with her lip between her teeth.

Steve’s hands fell to her hips and then down to her ass, lifting her up and down with ease, allowing Darcy to relax her legs. She let him do the work, hearing his breath become short puffs.

He felt so good, buried inside her to the hilt. With each passing drag of his cock, she knew all she needed was to rub herself _just so_ , and she’d be seeing stars.

She moved one hand off Steve’s shoulder and snaked it down her front, slipping her fingers to where their bodies met, grazing the side of her clit, with just enough pressure to make herself grunt as she clamped her mouth shut.

Steve kept thrusting up into her as she reached her pique, the heat blooming from between her legs and spreading all over her body.

Her toes tingled, she came that hard. She hadn’t felt this in forever. She couldn’t remember the last time she got off.

Steve took one hand off her ass and moved two fingers to cover hers, and her eyes flew open while she continued to shudder through the aftershocks.

His eyes were glazed with lust.

Darcy forced aside whatever it was that made her want to run again, to create some distance between the two of them. The way he was looking at her didn’t make this seem like a casual fuck.

She took his fingers in her hand, away from her oversensitive clit, and ran them along her mouth, his fingertips brushing her incisor before she sucked them between her lips.

He grabbed at her, pulling her forward to kiss her, their mouths not quite closing as they rocked together with mounting desperation.

Steve tensed and he made an incredible sound, a needy kind of whimper against her mouth as their chests pressed together.

He came inside her, and Darcy kept still, watching his face go from blissful to cold in no time at all.

A silence settled between them as _Die Hard_ blared, and Darcy supposed she should move off of him and clean up.

“You should go,” Steve murmured.

His face changed back to something from yesterday. He was distant and unreadable. He blinked and looked away from her eyes to see behind them, checking for anyone who might have heard them.

“Yeah,” Darcy whispered, and she moved back, Steve’s softening cock slipping out.

She saw his come drooling out from between her flushed pussy lips. She grabbed her discarded clothes quick as lightning and wrenched them back on.

“I’ve already seen this, anyway,” she murmured.

She walked off before Steve even had a chance to pull his sweatpants back up.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [me @ me](https://66.media.tumblr.com/f67cce68a9d44a6c766050a1bedbfabc/tumblr_p8369vcjeZ1uahrezo1_500.png) when a month ago I was like, "Let's write a fluffy one-shot".
> 
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)   
>  [Darcyland Universe Discord](https://discord.gg/7Mkj5PW)
> 
> ❤❤❤


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's read and commented! This part is un-beta'd as well, but I'm getting better at editing my own stuff and I was on a roll today. Didn't want to wait to upload it!

_So I'm gonna fuck it up again_  
_I'm gonna do another detour_  
_Unpave my path_

\- "A Mistake" by Fiona Apple

 

 

**IV.**

 

 

Steve jolted awake.

Last night could have been a dream.

What happened with Darcy, fucking her with short, hard thrusts –

He ran a hand over his face. He knew better. She stole away the second she jumped off of him, but he could still smell her on him as he lay in his bed, the covers pushed aside sometime in the night.

He checked his bedside table and saw the clock read after 9 AM.

He hadn’t slept that well in years. Not since before the Accords.

Last night was a mistake. It should not have happened.

Steve couldn’t believe it was happening when Darcy climbed onto him with her little thatch of hair between her legs showing in the dim light of the lounge.

He sighed. He must have read her wrong.

Once upon a time, he was a romantic, and maybe it showed again last night too strongly. He could have sworn that wistfulness had worn off.

He could pretend it hadn’t happened, the way his chest ached with her bouncing on top of him, but she did not return any kind of sentiment.

Maybe she did that kind of thing all the time – taking what she wanted and not thinking about the consequences. It made sense if she did, considering how she acted outside of a sexual act.

He was a fool. She was nothing to him, and he was nothing to her. As soon as he came inside her, he shoved down his emotions and made it clear that it was a brief exchange.

He couldn’t get her out of his head, the way she turned pliant in his hands, and the way her back arched when she clamped down on him. The way she used his body like that only turned him on.

For the first time in months, he didn’t go for his morning run and instead had a shower and walked down to breakfast. There was an anxiousness and excitement he couldn’t quite shake, and he wanted to have a chance to see her again, despite everything.

-

He walked into the kitchen and saw Natasha sitting at her usual spot sipping her coffee.

Darcy had her back to them at the stove, flipping a pancake, her earphones in.

Steve could hear the music she was playing from where he stood several feet away and he was sure Natasha could, too. Darcy damaging her hearing was the least of his issues at that point.

The kitchen was a pigsty, with pancake batter splattered over the counter tops, flour spilled along with it. The milk was left out, too.

Steve was angry, and yet all he wanted to do was bend Darcy over the counter top and drive into her until she screamed, and then he’d flip her over and kiss her down her front to taste her everywhere.

“You slept in,” Natasha said, and Steve’s eyes whipped away from Darcy to the blonde.

He nodded. “Yeah. For once.”

Natasha sipped, her eyes unblinking.

“And you didn’t run.”

He didn’t want to know where she was going with this. As far as she knew, he and Darcy watched a movie together last night and he was in a better space because of it.

He wasn’t about to give anything away if Darcy hadn’t either.

If he made a point of slipping away before Natasha finished the point she was making, he’d give too much away.

He shouldn’t have slept with Darcy because of a multitude of reasons.

She was a stranger. She was here to help Erik and not be Steve’s distraction.

Steve was fucking _broken_ , wasn’t that a good enough reason to control himself?

_You piece of shit. She doesn’t deserve you poisoning her. You stupid, fucking hypocrite._

“Steve,” Natasha prompted.

He blinked, realizing he missed something she said. Darcy had turned back around and looked surprised to see him standing there.

Two sets of eyes were on him and Steve cleared his throat.

Darcy pulled out her earphones just as Natasha asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Steve muttered, and he walked over to the cupboard to make a cup of coffee.

Darcy walked off with her plate of food, leaving the kitchen a mess.

Steve sat down and rolled his eyes.

“She’s _unbelievable_.”

Natasha didn’t say anything, just drank in silence with an unreadable expression on her face.

-

Darcy slammed the lab door shut behind her.

Bruce and Erik both looked up from their work and Darcy shoved another pancake into her mouth.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, her mouth full of food.

They didn’t seem bothered by her presence, unlike some people.

She was still wrestling with the new information from last night and her morning.

Who knew Captain America was a total jackass?

Darcy had dealt with plenty of that with other men, but unlike other instances, the sex hadn’t disappointed her. She took that as a good sign but the second they finished last night Steve was back to hating her.

A part of her told her she should have expected it, considering how he chewed her out. She also knew that her bratty side could irritate him enough to make Steve acknowledge her if she tried hard enough, and leaving the kitchen like that all for him to see would help.

She’d challenge him if he made her angry enough, too. He might pretend nothing happened between him, but he came inside her.

Darcy cleaned herself up before sleeping last night and there was a lot of evidence of how exactly she made him feel.

“What’s up? You got any new ideas, Docs?”

Bruce smiled and Darcy felt a kind of triumph because often enough Erik ignored her attempts at lightening the mood.

“There are a lot of kinks to sort out before trying to run any kind of tests.”

“Kinks, huh?” Darcy said, winking at Bruce, who chuckled nervously.

“ _Behave_ , Darcy,” Erik said in a low voice, and Darcy shrugged a shoulder.

She walked over to their joint desks, Bruce making room for her to sit on one of the chairs.

She could immediately see why Natasha liked him. He was cute, in an awkward nerd way that used to drive Darcy wild. She once exclusively dated nerds before branching out after high school.

He seemed well meaning and uneasy. She’d seen footage of the Hulk like everyone else, and his alter-ego seemed like a near-opposite character, at least on the surface.

“What are you planning on testing?” she asked, and Bruce gestured to a blue print.

“A suit. This one was originally Hank Pym’s.”

Darcy clicked her fingers. “Did you find him?”

“No,” Bruce muttered, shaking his head a little. “He’s still missing. I – _procured_ this from an old colleague.”

“You stole it,” Darcy clarified, and Bruce nodded.

“I’ve done worse for less. I figured it was more like borrowing, anyway.”

Darcy needed to give Natasha a high five for whatever happened with the Doctor last night, because he was cute, smart and a petty thief.

“You need something to power the suit, though.”

“Yeah. Hence the… kinks,” Bruce said, and he scratched the back of his head.

“We need Tony Stark,” Darcy murmured, and both men nodded.

“We have Thor on speed dial, so to speak,” Bruce said, “Rhodey – uh, Colonel Rhodes went with him, along with Rocket.”

“And Rocket’s supposed to be some kind of rocket _scientist_ , or –?”

“He’s a raccoon,” Erik said. “I had a vision of him and Bruce confirmed it.”

“A raccoon?” Darcy repeated, shooting Bruce a look.

“To be fair, he’s from outer space and genetically modified,” Bruce added.

“He sounds adorable,” Darcy declared. She smiled, but Bruce didn’t return it as enthusiastically.

“He’s really not.”

-

Darcy went back to the kitchen for lunch and it was in the same state as before. She cleaned in silence, feeling a bit better about everything.

It was the 23rd, which meant Christmas was in two days. Plus, Erik and Bruce seemed to have some kind of plan in place. She just had to hope that Tony Stark was in one piece and not scattered across some distant planet.

She trusted Thor to find him if Tony was still out there. It would be stupid to not trust Thor.

She washed the dishes and scrubbed the counter tops, and eventually Natasha came in with her coffee mug from earlier.

“How’s it going?” Darcy asked, her voice bright.

She tried not to be jarring but Natasha didn’t seem to mind.

She smiled back, eyebrows hiking.

“I’m pretty good. I’ll pay you back for the vodka.”

Darcy waved a hand, though truth be told she could use the cash.

She looked outside, and saw a dashing blur that had to be Steve racing across the field.

“He okay?” she asked, and Natasha’s face fell.

“He hasn’t been for a while. I’m surprised he’s stayed this long.”

Darcy frowned. She didn’t want to give Steve a chance at excusing his frostiness, but she wasn’t made of stone. She felt a tug of something in her heart, and the desire to please him, to make him feel better was back.

She felt that the night he came into the lounge and saw her decorations. His whole demeanor changed and she felt better in turn.

Then last night, he could barely contain himself when he was inside her.

“Where would he go?” she asked, her voice flatter than before.

Natasha shrugged in the corner of her eye and Darcy looked away from the window.

“Brooklyn. Or maybe somewhere remote. He’s so closed off now, I –”

Darcy got the impression that Natasha didn’t often share how she was feeling.

“Natasha, are _you_ okay?”

The blonde’s eyes widened a little. “I’m fine. I mean, I’ve been better but I keep going.”

Darcy nodded. She was trying her best to keep treading water, desperate for the air she gulped to stay thrashing.

“Clint’s not. Okay, I mean,” Natasha added. “He lost everyone.”

“What happened?”

Darcy knew that a part of her didn’t want to know, but she had to ask if she was staying on the compound much longer.

“His wife. His kids. Everyone is gone,” Natasha said, and she avoided Darcy’s gaze. “He ran off to Tokyo to settle some old scores.”

He felt like he had nothing left to lose. Darcy felt the twist of recognition in her gut. It was why she pounced on Steve that way.

“Is he ever coming back?” Darcy asked, and her throat felt tighter.

A widower with a death wish was almost too temperamental to predict.

Natasha shrugged. For a brief moment, her chin wobbled with emotion and Darcy reached out, squeezing her shoulder.

They didn’t know one another that well, but Natasha didn’t flinch or pull away. Darcy considered that a win.  

They didn’t say much else when Darcy fetched them both some cookies and sat together as they ate.

-

Steve was still running when Darcy trekked outside, still borrowing Erik’s coat. She added a scarf that Bruce had draped over his chair.

She wrapped the wool around her neck, reveling in its softness, and Bruce just shook his head at her when he spotted her walking out with it.

Steve slowed down when she was close enough to his path, and Darcy ignored the way her gut twisted. She wanted to talk, to check if they were on the same page.

“Hey. You ever get tired?” she asked.

He wiped his forehead with one of his arms and he sighed.

“What do you want, Darcy?”

She felt a flare of anger at his tone. He sounded sick of her, like she was this nuisance he couldn’t shake. She didn’t want him thinking she was desperate for attention, even if she _was_.

He didn’t get to win. Not when she had done nothing but respect whatever distance he wanted between them despite their screwing around.

“I came out here to ask if you were interested in _cocoa_. Jesus.”

She turned her heel and planned to walk off, but Steve began to speak rapidly.

“Darcy, don’t. I just – I’m no good at this. I can’t do this shit anymore.”

She paused and turned back, narrowing her eyes.

“I don’t know what ‘shit’ you mean.”

“ _Us_ ,” Steve said, the word drawn out and awkward. “I mean us.”

Darcy snorted. “Oh! Dude, no problem. I was bored. It felt good.”

Steve frowned a little at her. She seemed to throw him for a second. He was about to break it to her so gently that he wasn’t interested in her in a serious capacity.

There was no way she was letting him reject her.

“It felt good,” he repeated. “Okay.”

Darcy looked at the ground while she scuffed her foot.

“I’m sorry, in case you wanted it to mean more –”

“It doesn’t,” Steve cut her off. “But it _did_ feel good.”

Darcy ignored her stomach fluttering. She cleared her throat.

“You doing anything now?”

“I thought you were asking about cocoa.”

“I lied. It was a ploy,” Darcy admitted.

Their eyes met. Her gaze traveled down his soaked shirt to his hips, then back up to his exposed forearms that shone with sweat.

“I’ll let you fuck me again if you want.”

His face changed to something like last night, when the light was low and she stood in front of him with her pussy exposed and glistening with arousal.

He looked behind them at the building, most likely trying to see if anyone was watching them. Darcy was not one for an audience and waited for him to make some plan.

She wanted to her hear him admit he wanted her.

“Walk to the building over there,” he said, his voice level. He tilted his head ever so slightly to the left away from them.

The South hall where residence quarters were.

“I’ll meet you there. My room is 220.”

Darcy nodded, pushing past him.

-

He shouldn’t have slept with her. But he did, and he shouldn’t do it again. But he was about to.

He spent all morning trying his best to ignore it but the second she showed up he knew he’d lost.

He turned into an animal somewhere between Thanos and now.

He gave her five minutes, making a point of running another three laps before getting a glass of water from the empty kitchen.

His dick was already aching in his shorts.

He walked back to his room, seeing Darcy leaning against his front door inspecting her nails, expectant.

He didn’t let her say a word, just turned the knob by her hip and pushed her in, kicking the door shut behind him.

He grabbed at her, bringing her mouth up to his and capturing her in a greedy kiss.

They were all teeth and tongue, and soon he pulled her off her feet, carrying her toward the kitchen island and placing her there.

She kicked off her dirty sneakers and they fell to the floor along with her coat and scarf. She took off her glasses and Steve kissed her neck, grazing her pulse point with his teeth.

She looked smug, and maybe before he would have hated that, but it just made him want her more. He wanted to see her moan and lose control just like him, and the more fight she put in responding to his touch, the better.

He made his descent down her neck, hands going for her waistband.

As she lifted her hips to pull her leggings down, exposing herself, he knelt with his eyes level to the dusty rose lips of her pussy. She could be wetter.

“You can’t be serious,” she murmured, and then Steve leaned forward, his tongue running along her slit.

Darcy’s eyes widened, which only emboldened Steve. He lifted up a little, hooking her leg up over his shoulder for better access.

Darcy was moved back so she lay out on the kitchen island, his salt and pepper shakers near her skittering hands. Her fingers settled in Steve’s hair as he set to work, lapping at her core.

“Oh, fuck,” she moaned, and Steve groaned with his tongue deep inside her.

She tasted like her musk and something earthy and equally intoxicating. He didn’t waste a drop as she grew more desperate against his mouth.

He was relieved that eating her out lived up to the fantasy. For weeks he’d been numb and now he was licking between a beautiful woman’s legs. He could do it for hours, but his jaw already hurt while Darcy kept biting back moans as her fingers pulled his hair.

Without much warning, he switched to sucking her swollen clit between his lips while he pushed two fingers inside her.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” Darcy moaned again, her voice louder and disbelieving. “You’re gonna make me come.”

He looked up at her face. Her cheeks were blotched with pink and her eyebrows knitted together.

He sucked her harder, their eyes meeting. Her felt her convulse around his fingers, her foot digging into his back as her back arched.

Watching her come was so different to last night. She let herself break away, a throaty moan escaping her and ringing in his ears.

Before she had much time to recover, he flipped her over, pulling her back toward him.

Her round ass jiggled as he dragged her back, and Steve suppressed a growl as he fumbled for his shorts. If he wasn’t so keen to bury himself in her pussy he definitely would have gone down on her again from behind. He would gladly be smothered by that perfect ass while Darcy came undone on his mouth once more.

He shoved down his shorts and his hard dick wobbled, grazing one of Darcy’s ass cheeks.

She backed into him, and Steve put a hand on her hip to hold her in place while he lined them up.

She was warm and tight like he remembered. The feel of her scrambled his brain, but Steve was quick to set a punishing pace.

He pulled her back up against the kitchen island before pushing her over it so her ass was in the air, her feet off the floor. He looked down and saw that her soles were dirty and he revelled in the feel of his hips beating against her bare ass.

His balls were already tightening as she moaned as loud as before.

He was deep inside her and she could be sore tomorrow. The thought registered and he shoved away the darker ones that came with it.

_You don’t deserve her –_

He snaked a hand between them and found her clit, rubbing her wetness over it with the pad of his finger before pressing down and rubbing.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck –”

She whimpered, and he felt something break apart in his chest. She sounded so vulnerable and wide open to him.

“You gonna come?” he asked, his voice wrecked. _For me_. That was implied, wasn’t it?

He was so close, but he had to hold off.

“Yeah, I’m gonna –”

“I’ll make you come again, doll.”

The last word slipped out and he hated himself for it, but Darcy clenched around his dick as she cried out.

He lost it, coming seconds later with one hand still on her hip as he shook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you get a chance, listen to "A Mistake" in its entirety [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pokyLl-633o). I am fucking _obsessed_.
> 
> ❤❤❤


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos. They warm my little depraved heart. :) <3 
> 
> This is un-beat'd so any mistakes are my own.

_We go like up 'til I'm 'sleep on your chest_  
  
_Love how my face fits so good in your neck_  
  
_Why can't you imagine a world like that?_

\- "imagine" by Ariana Grande

 

 

 

**V.**

 

 

To put it simply, Darcy was overwhelmed.

As Steve slipped out of her all she could hear was their collective panting. She felt sweat, his and hers, and come – _his_ and _hers_.

She felt the urge to cry. It was a weird blip that left as soon as it came, but she had to acknowledge what had just happened.

She turned around, feeling Steve’s come crawling down her thigh, and looked up at him.

He looked conflicted, like he was holding back from saying something.

His brow was furrowed and his hair was mussed from Darcy’s gripping hands.

Though he was rough, for the most part he made love to her.

She reached for him, pulling him into a slow, lingering kiss. He allowed her tongue inside his mouth and he groaned, the sound making Darcy’s chest tighten.

His hands fell to her hips and he squeezed, and they parted.

“Should have done that more before,” Darcy murmured, and Steve’s throat bobbed.

His hands went to her hair and smoothed her mane away from her face, tracing her lips with his thumb.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she whispered, and Steve’s eyes met hers.

“Me, neither.”

The admission seemed to take everything out of him.

She copied him, tracing his cheekbones with her fingers before rubbing the hair behind his ears. His eyes flew shut and he grunted.

“That feels – _so good_ ,” he said, and Darcy chuckled.

“As good as fucking me?”

It was a joke but Steve’s eyes opened and he shook his head.

“Different. That’s – that’s good, too.”

He took her palm away from his face and kissed it, for the first time looking shy.

“What did you call me before?” Darcy asked, though she knew the answer already.

Steve avoided her gaze, frowning.

“I called you ‘doll’.”

“It’s cute,” Darcy said, and he looked less uncomfortable. “ _You’re_ cute.”

He shook his head. “I’m not. You’re the cute one.”

He had to be joking. He looked like an Abercrombie model, and even if you took away Steve’s height and muscles, he had a pretty face and a dazzling smile.

He pulled away from her and Darcy sighed, letting her hands fall to her sides.

“Can I use your shower?” she asked.

Steve was in the middle of pulling his shorts back on and he nodded.

“Sure.”

Darcy nodded, watching him circle the kitchen and find a glass to fill with water at the sink.

She stared as his throat bobbed while he drank.

He caught her watching and paused, swallowing hard.

“I’m waiting,” Darcy said, and he looked confused. “to see if you’re gonna be nice to me, or mean.”

He nodded. “That seems fair.”

“Hmm,” Darcy said.

She considered showering in her room but that was a little walk away from there, and he had said she could use his bathroom. What would it mean if she took her time and didn’t run away?

Not wanting to overthink it, she pulled her shirt off and tossed it on the floor with her sneakers, feeling Steve’s eyes fall on her.

She felt around for the clasp on her bra and undid it, letting the material fall away to the floor.

Dumbstruck, Steve just stared down at her with his glass still in hand, his cheeks reddening.

Darcy tossed her hair over one shoulder, her tits jiggling with the movement of her arm.

“If I wanted to spend the night here, would you let me?”

Her tone was light and teasing. His response was immediate.

“Yeah.”

“Really twisted your arm that time, didn’t I?”

He turned away finally, his glass fogging as he chuckled. “ _You’re_ the one who’s being mean this time.”

He took a long drink, his eyes elsewhere.

Darcy grinned, and exited the kitchen.

-

His body never responded to anyone before like it did with Darcy.

The second that she stood completely naked in front of him he was like a deer in headlights until she broke the tension with a little joke at his expense.

She made it seem like things could be easy, but it didn’t stop the twist in his guts each time he remembered why she was there in the first place.

She was a good distraction, but he was still the guy who failed to stop her losing Jane Foster and God knows who else.

He didn’t want to kid himself. Sex with her the first time was luck, and the second time was just ludicrous.

He lay his hands on her tight, little body when all he ever did was treat her badly and fail everyone else around him.

While she showered, he sighed as he sat in one of his chairs with the TV off.

He felt like he was running out of time with her. Selvig and Bruce would find a solution and sooner or later Steve would have to be the one to run headfirst into danger again.

There was no room to fail, and he didn’t know what that meant for Darcy.

He was tentative to name the feeling that held his heart in a vice.

“Hey,” came her voice, and Steve looked up to see Darcy wrapped in a towel with her hair dampened and dripping water onto the carpet.

There was something endearing about her face scrubbed clean and pink.

“You okay?” she asked, and Steve frowned.

“Does nobody ever ask you that?” he countered, and she returned his frown.

“Sure they do. I just ask first usually,” she said, shrugging one of her shoulders.

She turned away and stooped to collect her clothes.

Steve didn’t look away as her towel fell to the floor. She pulled her leggings and underwear back on along with her bra with her back to him, and Steve caught and eyeful of everything, including the view of her pussy from behind when she bent far enough.

He looked away, feeling something like panic rise in his chest.

She was being so nice to him, and he didn’t know what to do with any of that. There was so much room to disappoint her, to not be enough.

He could fuck her forever, and that wasn’t some Neanderthal part of his brain talking. He could really see himself only ever being with her and he wasn’t mad about it.

Half the population was gone and he managed to screw someone he didn’t deserve. Darcy had to know that, too.

He felt like apologizing to her.

“I’m sorry for – this,” he muttered.

Darcy whipped around with her glasses in her hands, readying to put them back on.

“What are you sorry about?” she asked, her voice sharp.

“Not having sex with you. I like – having sex with you,” he added hastily, and he stared down at his hands to not lose his nerve. “I’m just the worse person you could have picked.”

“Steve, just – just –”

Steve looked back at her and saw her hands up, failing to find whatever she meant to say, and when she settled on her next words Steve wasn’t expecting them:

“Would you just shut the fuck up for once?”

Steve’s eyes widened and he let out a long whistle. He couldn’t help himself.

“Wow.”

She came at him, settling on her knees in front of him and gripping his hand.

“I’m serious. Not everything is about how shitty you feel about yourself,” she continued. She let out a little humourless laugh and pressed on. “How you feel is certainly _relevant_ but there are still people here who need you.”

“I know that,” he retorted, and he knew he sounded like a hurt child. Or worse, a grumpy old man.

“But you don’t think you deserve sympathy, or – ?”

“Not really,” he cut her off. “Not when there was so much at stake. It doesn’t seem right that I’m here and –”

“Shut up!” Darcy yelled, and Steve flinched. “I don’t want to hear about how you wish you were dead when you’re _Steve fucking Rogers_.”

There was a pause and Darcy still held his hand in hers.

Her face twisted and she groaned. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be screaming at you.”

“It’s okay,” Steve murmured. He squeezed her hand. “I’m just not that guy anymore.”

Darcy blinked several times and Steve could see she was trying not to cry.

“Darcy.”

She swallowed, her voice turning rough. “What am I doing here, Steve? What do I have to offer that Jane couldn’t? I shouldn’t be here.”

“Hey, hey, hey…”

Steve felt brave enough to scoop her into his lap and wrap his arms around her, her chin tucked into his shoulder as she sniffled.

-

Darcy and Steve left his room separately but ended up in the labs to investigate any progress that may have been made.

“We hit a snag,” Bruce muttered, and Darcy’s eyebrows rose.

She joined the labs after Steve, with Natasha, Erik and Bruce already sitting in chairs and watching her come in.

Steve’s eyes on her were warm and then flicked back to neutral as he focused his gaze on Bruce.

“That was fast,” Darcy said.

“And furious,” Bruce added, his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.

Darcy detected Natasha’s stare but did her best not to react, as she was very aware that both she and Steve went missing for the better part of two hours that afternoon.

“If we are talking about jumping through dimensions, we need more power. We have the conductors necessary but they’re insufficient compared to what Hank Pym must have,” Erik said, and Darcy felt her heart sink a little.

“So we’re stuck.”

“You won’t be going anywhere near the machines when we do have them up and running,” Erik retorted, and Darcy pretended to be offended, placing her hand on her chest and scoffing.

“Well, _excuse me_ , Doc. I’ve been told I’m nimble. And technically I’m not the smallest person here.”

“Watch it,” Natasha hissed, and Darcy shot her a look. “I could still kick your ass.”

Darcy grinned, tossing her hair. “I don’t doubt that for a second.”

“It’ll be me.”

Steve spoke and Darcy tried not to react, looking at her shoe before looking back up, a lump in her throat.

Steve wasn’t looking at her but he had to know she was desperate to hold onto their bliss from before.

“That’s not up for discussion?” Natasha asked, and Steve considered it for a second.

“Think about it.”

“I don’t have to. I’m just hoping you’ve thought about it,” Natasha retorted.

They exchanged a look, having an entire conversation in front of everyone else. Darcy bit her lip and forced aside the thought of Steve accidentally being ripped apart in a prototype suit.

“Anyone else really need a drink?” she muttered, and everyone looked at her.

No-one seemed to be discouraging this line of thinking.

“I could spike some eggnog.”

“ _Please_ ,” Natasha muttered, and Bruce nodded.

-

Darcy’s teeth sank into her drumstick and she hummed her approval.

Getting Bruce to retrieve some rotisserie chickens and call it dinner was one of her better ideas, along with the spiked eggnog.

Darcy was only nursing her one drink but Erik seemed in a better mood with brandy coursing through him, chatting to Bruce while Natasha looked on.

This had to be the oddest group of people Darcy ever had Christmas with but she liked it just the same, and Steve was sitting by her, licking his fingers clean.

“I can’t believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve,” he murmured, tossing his chicken bone onto his plate with a clatter.

“What are you gonna ask Santa for?” Darcy asked, her voice low.

When she asked before about staying the night, she hoped he was true to his word.

She winked at him and he shook his head a little, smiling.

“Nothing that I’d want anyone else here to know about,” he murmured.

Her arousal sat low in her gut, and soon enough she’d be wet if he kept looking at her like that.

She would be fine with a repeat of earlier, her leggings shoved down like that with Steve manhandling her.

Even if it lasted two seconds she’d be glad it was him being with her, despite what he thought of himself.

She knew Natasha and the others were too occupied with their own desks in the lab to be concerned with what Steve and Darcy were up to, except it was more than likely that grilling would occur once Steve and Darcy left together.

What were Darcy’s intentions?

That afternoon she wanted to get back at Steve for shutting down on her after the sex they had the first time, and in the end she knew she was equally guilty.

For the most part Darcy was not a hypocrite.

What she wanted from Steve was simple. She wanted to be around him in whatever capacity he let her, even if she drove him crazy.

He seemed less likely to push her away with how he kept looking at her when he thought she couldn’t see.

She just hoped she wasn’t reading into things too much.

-

Steve ducked his head and nodded when Darcy said she’d meet him back in his apartment, and she slipped out of the labs after bidding everyone a good night.

It was snowing.

She looked up at the night sky and thought of Jane. She always thought of her when she looked toward the sky.

There was another version of their world where Darcy didn’t survive The Snap and Jane was the one looking up at the sky while it snowed. It was a small comfort to Darcy knowing that her boss was safe in some other universe.

Erik spoke about time travel since dimension hopping also could mean temporal hopping, but Darcy thought it was better to travel to a parallel universe with another version of Hank Pym still alive.

She pushed aside the science for once and walked toward the South wing, her feet crunching in the snow.

She made herself a cup of tea and waited for Steve, trying to contain her emotions while her thoughts fell to what he said earlier.

She wished she could make him see that he made her feel better in his own way even if he didn’t think so.

There was a click and Darcy sat up from her lying position on the couch and Steve walked in, pulling off his leather jacket and tossing it aside.

He carried so much on him. She felt like her heart might burst, and the thought of this guy she’d known just a few days having that effect on her was scary as _fuck_.

“Hey,” she breathed, and she got up from her seat and walked toward him, taking his hands in hers.

“Hey,” he replied, but he sounded hesitant. “I got something to say.”

He swallowed, squeezing her fingers.

“What?”

“I’m so lucky to get to be even around you.”

Darcy felt a wave of emotion. His words were so touching she felt tears spring in her eyes without warning.

“Oh, shit,” she muttered, and she let him go to swipe at them.

“Seriously, doll,” Steve said. “I see you with everyone else, and you act the way you do around _me_ and you’re incredible.”

“You’re not lucky, I’m lucky,” Darcy insisted, taking his face in her hands and kissing his mouth briefly and light. “I’m so lucky to get to be around you.”

He just shook his head.

“You don’t think this is okay, us?” she asked, and Steve swallowed again, his throat bobbing.

“Seems unfair.”

“Everybody wants somebody. Everybody deserves someone,” Darcy said, her voice firm.

She kissed him again, and without him saying anything she snapped, “Shut _up_.”

Before their kissing got too carried away, Steve tugged her by the hand down the hallway and they stepped into his bedroom.

He lifted her with ease and Darcy gasped just the same, still surprised by his strength.

He lowered her onto the bed, her hips cradling him as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him once more with desperation and force.

She panted as he pressed a kiss to her neck, her mouth by his ear.

“I don’t want to wait.”

She was close to begging him to fuck her already and they hardly kissed. Some part of her tried to convince her that she was on borrowed time, and there was only so much of her he could stand.

She pushed that away when he moved back to peel off his shirt and lower himself onto her again to kiss her.

“Your body is _insane_ ,” she hissed, her nails running along his skin and he chuckled.

“The hell are you talkin’ about, doll?”

His hands snaked under her shirt and he cupped her tits over the fabric of her bra and she hissed again, biting her lip.

“ _Don’t_ make me wait,” she warned.

He kissed her, hands falling to her waist band and pulling her leggings partway down.

They fumbled until Darcy moved back to strip off everything as fast as she could, kneeling by Steve in the nude as his hands ran all over her.

She fell back onto the mattress when he took her nipple in his mouth and sucked.

“What did I say about waiting?”

She was wet. She had to be soaking, and she felt Steve graze her slit with two fingers.

She gasped, fingers gripping his hair and pulling.

“Please, Steve. _Please_ – ”

He had to know she was weak for him, that he held her pleasure in the palm of his hand. She bucked to meet his fingers, desperate for the friction as he made her nipples wet and hard with alternating sucks and kisses.

She rubbed against him hard enough to make herself come, and she clenched on absolutely nothing as her body shook.

“Fucking – _fuck_!”

Steve kissed her up her throat until he met her lips and slipped his tongue inside, claiming her once more.

She grabbed at his arms, feeling the hard muscle beneath the warm, smooth skin. She lowered her hands to his hips and attempted to tug down his pants.

“What are you doing?” Steve asked, pulling away from her kiss.

“You – you _meanie_ ,” she gasped, still feeling the aftershocks of her orgasm.

He chuckled above her, his smile reaching his eyes, making Darcy want to devour him.

“You’re really pretty when you’re angry,” he murmured, and he used one hand to pull down pants, his other hand still resting on one of Darcy’s breasts as he rubbed her nipple with one thumb.

“You’re really pretty always,” he amended.

Darcy opened her mouth to retort but he suddenly pushed his cock inside her to the hilt with ease, and her reply fell away as her brain short circuited.

“You’re beautiful,” he added, his voice tighter as he began to move.

“Please keep talking, you’re so hot,” Darcy babbled, and Steve laughed breathlessly.

He moved back almost all the way out before pushing back in with a grunt, and Darcy arched her back.

“You feel so –”

“You, too, doll,” Steve replied, and he began to speed up. “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful.”

Darcy knew for a fact that she was a mess most of the time but his words still moved her, making her chest tighter.

She didn’t dare close her eyes, and neither did Steve.

“Wish this never had to stop. Wish I could – Wish I could –”

Darcy kissed his mouth briefly. “Wish you could what?”

“Wish I could do this for real.”

“You are,” she retorted.

He never slowed but he shook his head at her. “I mean going steady. Treating you right.”

“You do,” she said, kissing the corner of his mouth and then his cheek. “You _do_.”

“I’m close already, doll,” he gasped, and Darcy tightened her legs around his waist, watching him grow more desperate. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. You’re the sexiest guy I’ve ever met and I get to make _you_ come fast? Are you kidding me?” She knew she meant every word.

“You’re too good to me – ah, _fuck_!”

He shoved harder into her as far as he could, Darcy’s face pressed into his neck.

He grunted and came with his whole body tensed up.

He moved back to look her in the eye, his expression nothing but fuck-drunk, which only made Darcy laugh breathlessly beneath him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know the leather jacket I was referring to. He's still got [it](https://66.media.tumblr.com/2b69177675cdae32385bdc299fc04c5b/tumblr_p7h7g6JArq1rfi53mo1_540.gif).


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-beta'd, my mistakes, yadda yadda yadda...

_If I'm butter, then he's a hot knife_  
  
_He makes my heart a cinema scope_  
  
_He's showing the dancing bird of paradise_  
  
\- "Hot Knife" by Fiona Apple

 

 

 

**VI.**

 

 

Steve lay still for some time after he woke with Darcy beside him.

He stared at the ceiling, pretending she wasn’t there. That lasted two seconds before he glanced at her sleeping form next to him.

She lay on her side with the blankets wrapped around her. She hogged the blanket. Steve wished he didn’t know that about her, that she stole blankets in her sleep.

Her face was serene and her long hair lay on his other pillow. She seemed far away.

Steve was scared shitless.

He rubbed his eyes with his hands and sighed, but Darcy did not stir.

After dinner last night, and after she made him so hard and fast Steve saw stars, they lay beside one another in his bed and talked for hours.

Not even about anything that deep at times, though she did talk about how much she missed Jane and how useless she could feel at times.

He assured her over and over that she did more than she thought, just by being there for Erik.

Steve wished he could say the same for himself. He knew he was a terrible friend to Natasha and not really a team leader anymore.

The thought of her waking next to him and smiling up at him like he wasn’t bad for her made anxiety roil in his gut. He kept waiting for her to change her mind, to shove him away, to really hurt him.

_Leave her._

The voice commanding him was the same one that reminded him every day that Bucky’s last word was his name before he floated away as ashes.

 _Leave her in your bed alone, you coward_.

He touched Darcy’s arm, the voice angry and urgent.

_DO IT. LEAVE HER, YOU FUCKING COWARD._

He refused, rubbing Darcy’s bare shoulder.

-

Darcy woke to see Steve staring down at her and she stretched like a cat under the blankets, her hand reaching his bare stomach and stroking the muscles.

“You stayed all night,” Steve said, and Darcy nodded.

“I wanted to.”

“Hmm,” he replied, and she knew he wasn’t saying everything he was thinking.

“You kicking me out?” she asked, and his eyebrows rose.

She laughed a little at him, and he rolled his eyes, lowering himself to her eye level and stroking her hair.

They were looking at each other like lovers. Darcy felt butterflies in her stomach every time he didn’t scowl at her but things were starting to get out of hand.

“People will know,” Steve said, and Darcy nodded once more.

“Do you mind?”

His reply was fast: “Never would.”

Darcy supposed he was asking her for permission to not pretend anymore, and she appreciated him letting her take this plunge with him. She decided she’d tell people the truth if there were questions, because last night was close to obvious.

There were only so many whispers between them that could be ignored by people like Natasha and whoever else close by.

She pushed herself up from her lying position and Steve mirrored her. She placed her hands on Steve’s chest and pushed up against him until he lay on his back with her on top of him.

While Darcy wore her shirt and underwear last night because of the cold, Steve slept naked, and soon she was gliding hands down his bare hips and thighs.

She deliberately skipped touching close to his crotch, watching his gaze on her that became glazed with lust.

He was so warm, and it was something Darcy thought she’d never get over. She glided back up his thighs and hips before leaning in to kiss him on the lips.

He made a vulnerable noise against her mouth and Darcy wanted to kiss him all over, she wanted to make him a wreck like he did with her.

One hand went to his hard cock and began stroking him.

“Doll,” he gasped, and his eyes widened.

He was so adorable, so open to her touch. She smiled, feeling her own neediness grow between her legs. But she wanted to focus on Steve for now.

She looked down and saw his tip was sticky with arousal. She rubbed her thumb through it.

Steve gasped again, and Darcy was inspired, moving back and lowering herself.

“Doll,” Steve said again, and Darcy’s tongue darted out to lick along his shaft clumsily, over own knuckles and up to the tip.

“You don’t have to do that.”

Darcy didn’t _have to_ do anything, but she wanted to. She wanted to make him feel good.

“I can’t take care of you?”

“You don’t have to,” he murmured, and Darcy took his cock in her mouth and Steve’s toes curled while she sucked, swirling her tongue.

She set to work, her cheeks hollowed as she made the experience nothing but wet and enthusiastic.

Over time, Steve’s hand found her hair and he threaded his fingers through her tresses, his other hand behind him and gripping the headboard.

His head fell back for a second, his lip between his teeth while Darcy worked him over with sucks and licks and kisses.

All Steve could do was watch and feel her mouth on him, his speech a stunted series of praise and curses.

“You – you feel so good – fuck, Darcy, fuck – shit…”

He dissolved into a delicious moan and Darcy took it as a sign that he was close. It made Darcy clamp her legs together, her own desire strong enough to warrant her own moan with her mouth full.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, I’m coming!”

He sounded frantic, and then he gave one last broken moan and his come hit the back of Darcy’s throat.

Darcy felt bliss even though it wasn’t her orgasm. She knew what he tasted like, and the thought made her happy.

She pulled away finally, both of them panting. She just kept _wanting_ him and she didn’t know if that could ever stop.

She grunted, wriggling as she remained kneeling, with the urge to bring herself off rising.

“What’s up?” Steve asked, and Darcy felt her cheeks redden despite what had just transpired.

She shook her head, embarrassed, but Steve wouldn’t drop it.

“What is it?”

Darcy huffed, giving into her base desires as she pushed up the bottom of her shirt and snaked a hand down the front of her underwear.

Steve watched all this still coming down from his orgasm and he let out one short, breathless laugh.

“You don’t have to hide that from me,” he said.

Darcy glanced at his bare chest and his softening cock and grunted, rubbing herself. She was so desperate to just _come_ already.

“I wanted to blow you but I didn’t think it through,” she hissed, and Steve laughed again.

After ten or so seconds, he held out a hand.

“Come here, doll. Come here.”

Darcy nodded, thankful, shuffling over to him.

Once she reached him, his fingers brushed the side of her hip over the underwear, pulling at the material.

He yanked them partway down while Darcy still rubbed.

His fingers brushed her pussy lips and he groaned.

“Fuck, you’re wet,” he hissed, his chest heaving a little at the revelation.

Darcy canted her hips toward him.

“It’s you. All for you,” she murmured.

“You’re teasing me,” Steve retorted.

“No, I swear,” Darcy whimpered, as Steve worked two fingers into her.

She was so close, and yet she wanted to drag it out longer. Once they left his apartment they’d have to deal with other things that made her guilty and sad.

She wished so dearly that he meant what he said, that he would never mind people knowing about them, because she wanted people to know that he made her _ridiculously_ happy.

She rocked, feeling the heat start to gather at her core, readying her.

Steve added a third finger, and Darcy gasped. Everything fell away.

She cried out and came, clenching on Steve’s fingers.

She had only seconds to recover before he pushed her onto her back, his face going between her legs and lapping at her, fingers still pumping.

“I can’t – fucking – I – fuck! Fuck!”

She whimpered, feeling like it was never-ending when in reality Steve built her up again so fast it was hard to differentiate between the orgasms.

She made a sound close to a sob and came with Steve’s tongue pressed up inside her.

It felt like her whole body has seized up and then let go, and she collapsed on the bed, boneless.

She panted, wiping the sweat from her face and feeling Steve detach and kiss her bare thigh.

“You didn’t even take my undies off,” she whispered, and Steve nipped lightly.

“I was desperate.”

She looked down at his groin and her eyebrows rose.

“Are you hard again?”

“Maybe,” he replied, close to sheepish.

-

Darcy joked about not being able to walk, but it turned out she needed to rest after Steve was inside her again.

They ended up being very late to emerge from his apartment, and when they did there were other distractions along the way.

“Whoa,” Steve said as they both walked out onto the snow.

Every inch of green was covered in white like powdered sugar.

Darcy let go of Steve’s hand and stooped to pick up some of it.

Steve immediately took a step back, and before Darcy could even form something substantial she felt Steve’s own snowball hit her back, and she yelped.

“It was self defense!” Steve cried, and Darcy ran at him with her snowball held above her head.

Steve ducked and grabbed more snow and flicked it toward her.

“No!”

Darcy’s shriek was cut short as she slipped and fell on her ass. There was a brief second after it happened of silence, and then Steve erupted into laughter.

Darcy meant to be annoyed but she laughed anyway, tossing her snowball half-heartedly at Steve. It only managed to break apart against his leg but he hardly noticed since he was laughing so much.

“You’re gonna make fun of an innocent woman? You white, old –”

“Old?” Steve repeated, still shaking from laughter.

“Dude, you’re old!” Darcy yelled, and she laughed again.

Steve offered her a hand and pulled her up, wrapping his arms around her waist.

“I don’t mind that you’re a dinosaur,” Darcy murmured, making Steve roll his eyes. “But I will pummel you with a snowball the second your guard is down.”

“Hey!”

Darcy jumped at the voice that ripped through the field, and she turned her head to see Erik with his hands on his hips, shivering.

She forgot she was still wearing his coat.

Darcy felt heat rise in her cheeks and Steve let go of her, looking bashful.

“You two were taking so long I was sent out to find you.”

“Sorry, Erik,” Steve called. “My fault.”

Erik walked over to them awkwardly, a grumpy look still on his face.

“I really don’t want to know,” he snapped, and Darcy forced her face to remain neutral as she fought the urge to snort.

Erik gave her a brief once over and then narrowed his eyes again at Steve.

He did care about her, he just didn’t want to get into it just yet.

“We have a visitor.”

“Who?” Darcy asked, wondering if this meant more bad news.

-

Clint Barton stood with his arms crossed glaring out one of the lab windows when Darcy, Steve and Erik walked inside.

“Clint,” Steve breathed.

He walked over to the archer and shook his hand.

“Cap,” Clint returned.

He turned his head slightly to regard Darcy and then looked back at Steve.

“How long’s that being going on?”

Darcy’s eyebrows hiked.

“What, it’s not like it’s a secret,” Clint added, and Darcy could see Natasha give him a long look in the corner of her eye.

Everything about him seemed volatile and close to the surface. His hair was cropped close to the head like a regulation Army style and his face was littered with lines from lack of sleep.

“Three days,” Darcy piped up, and everyone looked at her. She made a point to shrug. “What, it’s not like it’s a secret.”

An odd expression, a mixture of curiosity and amusement passed over Clint’s face before he looked away back at Steve.

“I figured Christmas alone would be pretty fuckin’ stupid,” the archer admitted, and Steve nodded.

“You can stay as long as you want.”

Clint let out a humourless half-laugh.

“That might not be long if my new lead is right.”

-

Steve crossed his arms, feeling his heartrate kick up a notch in anticipation.

“You found something?”

Clint nodded, chewing his lip.

“Figured I could set off again the day after tomorrow. Heard from a guy whose cousin’s weed dealer–”

“What?” Bruce interjected from his seat. “I’m trying to follow this.”

“It sounds contrived, but I heard Hank Pym was on the run before Thanos. I’m going to check out the last place he was seen.”

“But you wrote in the holofiles –”

Clint cut Natasha off. “The holofiles are for shit. I need to update them.”

He glanced at Darcy briefly again.

“Clearly, we need to update Darcy’s as well, because she’s not a student anymore, either.”

Darcy’s eyes widened.

“Wow. None of you meant to fix that? Sheesh,” she said. “Also, I have a Master’s degree. So fuck the holofiles, whatever those are.”

Her eyes met Steve’s and he smirked at her.

“Holofiles are what they sound like, right? Holograms or something?” Darcy asked.

“Yes,” everyone else but Steve deadpanned.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLINT'S HERE. YAY. :D
> 
> I'm going to be sad to see this story go but I'm so glad people have enjoyed it so far. Thank you, thank you, thank you for taking the time to comment or give me kudos. Also, if you're just here to read but don't want to interact I can totally dig that, too. I get shy when I read other fic but every view makes me happy. THANK YOU, lurkers. <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we're here! This part is un-beta'd and all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read, commented on the fic or left kudos for me. What first started as a Secret Santa fic turned into something more, and now I can say I got the Endgame prelude that I wanted. I'm so glad that this was the last fic I wrote in 2018 and the first fic I finished in 2019.

_We've had our hopes and fears_  
  
_Oh my friends_  
  
_It's been a long hard year_

\- "Thank God It's Christmas" by Queen

 

 

**VII.**

 

 

Darcy sat and listened without asking too many questions about the names Clint was referring to. She got the feeling that everyone just wanted to know everything he had to say, and interrupting that was the last thing Darcy wanted to do.

Even though there were so many names that everything became a blur.

They deliberated for hours.

“If we get a suit up and running, I want to be the guy who goes first,” Clint said, and Steve frowned slightly at that.

Clint shrugged. “I know that you’re the strongest or whatever –”

Darcy bit her lip to stop herself from smiling, because having one other person picking on Steve was one of the better things to happen that day.

“But I’m the one with less to lose. And I respect your decision to sacrifice yourself, but fuck off, Steve,” Clint concluded, and Darcy snorted.

Steve’s eyes were on Darcy.

“You got a _point_ you wanna make, doll?”

Darcy bit her lip again and shrugged. “No, just – actually, I had a thought. Isn’t the Hulk technically the strongest Avenger?”

Bruce looked toward the ceiling as he crossed his arms. “Right. Except I can’t _do that_ anymore. Have him make an appearance, I mean.”

Darcy had no idea, and her lips parted in shock. “Oh. Do you think that because of The Snap, or-?”

Bruce shook his head. “No, he’s there. He gets annoyed. Gets panicky. I kept going away to try and trigger an outburst but nothing worked.”

“I thought you did that because of commitment issues, or –”

Natasha leaned forward slightly, her voice low: “I’d drop that, Darcy.”

“Right, because who of us doesn’t have commitment issues…?”

Darcy’s voice trailed off while her eyes scanned the room.

Clint raised a hand. “Me. I bought a farm.”

“You weren’t even retired, _really_ ,” Natasha retorted.

“Wow, I hate this entire conversation!” Bruce said, and Erik nodded while staring at the floor.

There was a brief silence and then Clint lowered his hand.

“My wife and kids? I want those back. So, I’ll go. End of discussion.”

“That’s not really a discussion –”

Clint shot Natasha a glare and she scowled back at him, and Darcy put up her hands.

“Great talk, guys! I think we should at least devise the main plan and move on.”

She tried to remain bright but Clint sucked his teeth for a second before crossing his arms.

Now everyone seemed to be brooding, until Steve caught Darcy’s eye.

“What did you say, last night?”

(“I don’t want to know,” Erik said, but he was ignored.)

“Um?” Darcy said, trying to figure out Steve’s line of thinking.

“We don’t need to do temporal hopping, just _dimensional_. We find a version of Earth with the Infinity Gauntlet still incomplete and we use the Stones to undo the Snap _here_.”

 “You want to take Stones from a parallel universe? They won’t miss them?” Bruce asked.

Clint just blinked, shrugging. “Works for me.”

“What did I say last night that made you think of that plan, Steve?” Darcy asked, shaking her head. She hadn’t shared that idea at all.

“You mentioned Jane a lot and how you wished there was another scientist here,” Steve said, and Darcy felt her chest tighten.

It was a strange to want to kiss him in that moment, but he was looking at her with kind eyes.

“Made you think of outsourcing,” Erik said, and Steve nodded.

“We might have to consider that Tony isn’t coming back,” Natasha said, and the mood of the room changed instantly.

Darcy let out a breath. “If Hank Pym’s gone, too –”

“He might be, but his stuff is probably wherever he was seen last,” Clint said, and Darcy felt his eyes on her again.

She ran a hand over her face. “Guys, I want to help.”

“How can you?” Clint’s voice was flat but Darcy felt it hit like a punch to the guts.

Embarrassingly, Darcy felt the urge to cry again like she did yesterday. Instead of forcing it down she let it pass over her and her eyes filled with tears as a few people bickered around her.

Darcy got up from her chair and walked out of the labs without looking back.

-

Steve was up from his seat but Natasha stopped him by throwing an arm out.

He didn’t know why she did that and shot her a glare. He wanted to hurry after Darcy and wrap his arms around her.

He was tempted to punch Clint in the face as well, but that also felt beside the point.

Natasha glanced at Clint.

“ _You_. Go talk to her.”

Steve never liked being on the receiving end of _that_ tone Natasha had in her arsenal.

He watched as Clint frowned, resisting.

It took three whole seconds for him to relent. He narrowed his eyes at Natasha and got up from his chair, stalking out of the lab.

Natasha sighed, satisfied, just as Erik muttered something in Norwegian Steve was sure was a cuss word at Clint’s retreating back.

-

“Hey!”

Darcy spun around with her arms still wrapped around her shivering shoulders as she made it halfway across the field before Clint called out to her.

She waited, wondering what else he meant to say. She couldn’t imagine he’d be a delight to be around, all things considered.

“What?”

She had less bite in her tone than intended, but Clint still looked uneasy.

He approached her, reaching a careful distance away from Darcy as he spoke.

“I wasn’t cool back there. I’m sorry.”

“Dude, I don’t know how to like, approach your grief in a chill way _at all_ ,” Darcy admitted, her voice wobbling. “All I’ve thought about for the last few days is how to make Christmas not suck this year. I’m just stupid, okay?”

Clint smirked and for a second Darcy thought he was ready to mock her.

“You’re not. You remind me a lot of my wife.”

Darcy’s eyes widened slightly and Clint shook his head, unperturbed.

“That wasn’t some weird pass at you. I mean that you’re resourceful.”

He kept smirking, and Darcy felt something click into place.

“Dollar Holler. In Puente Antiguo,” she said, her finger pointing at him. “You hit my cart _super hard_ and made fun of my shoes.”

“Actually, you hit my cart and I mentioned that my five year-old daughter was also into Hello Kitty. I made fun of your _shoelaces_.”

“You were spying on me?!” Darcy cried. “What kind of spy antagonizes their mark like that?”

Clint let out a laugh, and Darcy could see his breath in front of his face.

“It was fucking boring in that town. I had nothing to do, you basically sat around all day while Selvig and Foster worked.”

“I ran… errands,” Darcy retorted witheringly. “I was at the Dollar Holler to pass the time. You tailing me got so boring you interacted with me?”

Clint shrugged.

Darcy felt herself smile. “How long were you assigned to us?”

“For a couple months after Thor took off again, in case you were selling information to other parties. Then The Avengers happened.”

That felt like a lifetime ago. And in a way, it was. She would never have believed that the shaky footage shot in New York would feature a person Darcy would fall for.

 _Oh_. That was the first time she named it. _Falling_. Falling for Steve.

“Hey,” came Clint’s voice, and Darcy blinked several times to steady herself.

“Sorry. I’m a space cadet,” she murmured. “And I’m making this about me.”

Clint nodded. “I think things could be worse. Last time I was here, Steve was the worst I’d ever seen him.”

Darcy caught her breath. “Oh. Yeah, well –”

“It’s _good_ ,” Clint said, interrupting Darcy’s spiel. “You should know that you’re good for him. Whatever’s going on.”

Darcy swallowed. “He keeps telling me he’s not good enough. Not explicitly, just – in his own way.”

Clint’s eyebrows hiked. “Sounds familiar. I wanted to be around Laura all the time when we first met but I felt like I had to lose me or I’d lose her. I was scared I’d hurt her but I didn’t want anyone else. And I couldn’t stand being alone…”

Clint trailed off, his face changing. Darcy finally took her hands off her own shoulders and moved closer to him, squeezing his arm like she did to Natasha in the kitchen.

“We’re going to get her back.”

Clint’s eyes met hers and he nodded.

Darcy saw in that moment that in his eyes she’d transformed into his daughter. She had been a surrogate daughter to her stepfather and then Erik. She recognized that look on Clint's face better than most things.

She nodded back, feeling her chest tighten.

“Clint, you know that you could die trying to bounce around the Quantum Realm.”

Clint blinked. “Well, yeah. But I’ve got nothing –”

“You have _so much_ to lose!” Darcy cried, laughing a little. “Steve has to be the one. He doesn’t have a family waiting for him on the other side of all this.”

Clint swallowed. “You okay with that?”

Darcy shook her head. “Fuck no. But we both know he’s the best option we’ve got right now.”

They fell silent and Clint sighed.

“I need a drink.”

Darcy nodded, trying to not think of the possibility of Steve failing and dying in the process, leaving Darcy’s world tinier than ever.

-

Darcy drove to the store again alone with a list and some cash.

She returned as the sun was setting, when Steve and Clint were piling up wood in the middle of the field for a bonfire. Chairs were sat in a circle around the pyre, snow shoveled away.

She had no idea how long it would take Steve to do that, and from what she could see as she drove past he wasn’t sweating.

Clint winked at her and Darcy waved, pulling up and parking halfway up the road.

“We having a bonfire?” Darcy asked, and Steve smiled.

“We’re gonna sacrifice you to our gods.”

She laughed. “How very Pagan of you.”

“That’s fitting, considering,” Clint muttered, tossing some branches. “Christmas is just appropriating Pagan festivities.”

Steve dropped some more kindling with a loud thump and gave Clint a long look.

“What? I’m right. You know I’m right,” Clint muttered under his breath, and Darcy chuckled.

Steve glanced at the car.

“You need help?”

“I’ll get the others to help,” she replied, still smiling.

Clint pointed at her. “Get my beer?”

“Yeah, _duh_ ,” Darcy retorted, and Steve laughed. She glanced at him. “What?”

“Never heard someone say that to him before.”

-

Christmas Eve was spent listening to a lot of loud music in the field with the bonfire.

Darcy threw on whatever requests people had, which ranged from tender Christmas tunes to traditional carols, to chamber music and then to tracks that had nothing to do with Christmas.

When Talking Heads came on enough booze had been drunk for dancing to properly occur, and Bruce was wrapping one arm around Natasha’s waist in front of everybody.

A lot of the songs Steve wasn’t able to sing along with but his eyes rarely left Darcy, a beer nearly always at his lips as he laughed while she danced all goofy.

She wasn’t drunk, just too happy in their little musical world. She could be a Pagan dancing around a fire during Winter Solstice.

 _Hypnotize_ came on, causing Clint and Darcy to cheer simultaneously.

Steve watched from his chair as they bickered:

“You’re too young to know this song.”

“You’re too old!”

Darcy pulled at Steve’s arm but he cringed.

“No. No dancing. I don’t dance.”

Darcy shrugged and turned to Natasha dancing beside her with Bruce and tugged at her arm.

“Borrowing her a sec, Bruce! Sorry.”

The two women danced with their fingers entwined and Darcy never saw Natasha so at ease before that night.

They closed the night with Queen blasting _Thank God It’s Christmas_. The fire was dying with just glowing embers, and Darcy could feel her anxiety from earlier threatening close to racing back.

She kept rubbing her arms as she put away plates in the dish washer though the heating was cranked up.

“Hey,” came a voice, and she looked up.

Clint stood with an armful of empty beer bottles and a frown on his face.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” Darcy murmured, looking away to shut the dishwasher. “FRIDAY, it’s full.”

The cycle started and Clint moved past her to the recycling chute and shoved the bottles in, their glass clinking loudly as they fell to the basement.

“You sure?”

Darcy knew his eyes were on her and she felt a lump in her throat.

“Feels like we’d be making the right decision if Steve went,” she said.

Their eyes met and Darcy’s filled with tears.

“Except I don’t want to do the right thing. Not really.”

-

Steve put out the fire and carried the rest of the chairs inside with the others, as Darcy was off fixing the dirty dishes.

He looked up and saw her in the window talking to Clint with a miserable look on her face.

It made him ache.

He went to his apartment and wondered if he should wait up for her. He wondered if she’d just slipped away to be alone. Or maybe – Clint?

No, that seemed unlikely. Steve chastised himself for letting his mind go there. He wasn’t jealous. Realistically, they never told each other they were exclusive. They hadn’t really spoken about what they were to each other.

He knew Clint was devoted to Laura even though she was gone. And he didn’t think Darcy was actually flirting with him at dinner, or during the bonfire.

Steve bit his lip as he leaned against his counter top, remembering having his way with her where he stood. The memory itself even felt far away.

He felt like his fears were piling up. They had sex a handful of times and he still didn’t have the guts to tell her how he felt. He needed to. He _had_ to.

His front door suddenly burst open and Darcy rushed in, the door slamming closed behind her.

“Hey,” she breathed, looking frightened with tear-streaked cheeks that had alarm bells going off in Steve’s head.

“What happened?”

“I don’t want you to die,” she wailed, and she pulled him into a desperate kiss, their teeth clacking.

Her tongue was in his mouth and he wrapped his arms around her, returning the neediness in her touch.

Breathless, they broke apart and Darcy still looked scared.

“If you went into the Quantum Realm without knowing I’d want to fucking die.”

Steve frowned, brushing her hair away from her face.

“Doll.”

“I love you,” she said, and his lips parted at her words.

His throat felt suddenly tight with emotion.

“I love you,” he echoed.

“You do?” Darcy asked, and she smiled tearfully. “Really?”

“Of course I do,” he murmured. “I’m sorry you didn’t already know that.”

Darcy laughed, hiccuping. “Shut up, we love each other. Fuck. We _love_ each other.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, smiling back at her.

They kissed again, Steve’s hands going under her sweater and kneading her breasts as Darcy gasped in his ear.

“Steve, please,” she murmured, and he nodded.

His hands went to her waist to lift her but Darcy shook her head.

“No, bedroom’s too far. Here.”

God, this girl. Steve got to touch and love this girl. And she loved him. He couldn’t believe that a week ago he hadn’t even met her.

“I got you, doll,” he said, and he took her by the hips instead, twisting her around and pressing her against the hard edge of the counter top.

“Yes,” she whispered, sounding elated. “Please, just like this.”

Steve popped the button on the front of her jeans and pulled down her fly, and Darcy shimmied out of her jeans until they bunched at her ankles.

Steve’s eyes fell to her bare ass and he grunted, fumbling with his own jeans, wishing he could just magic away the clothes that separated them.

He took off his shirt as well as his jeans, his cock brushing Darcy’s leg, making her turn her head slightly to investigate.

She smiled like a sleepy feline and Steve bit his lip.

-

His hands were on her ass to hold her in place.

She’d never get over the feel of his hands all over her bare skin. Especially when he looked at her like he wanted to pounce on top of her.

She heard the rustle of his clothes being peeled off and flung aside, and his cock brushed against her. Darcy turned, smiling at him. Steve’s eyes were dark and consuming.

He knelt behind her and Darcy waited, turning away from him once more. She felt the flat, wide glide of his tongue run up what he could reach between her clamped together legs and Darcy’s knees nearly buckled.

She widened her stance and Steve’s tongue went to work, his arms wrapping around her thighs.

Each time he grazed her clit Darcy grunted, so full of need she must have sounded deprived of touch.

“Steve,” she gasped, her whole body shaking against his mouth.

She was close. He just had to-

“Fuck,” she moaned loud and long as he rubbed her clit and fucked her with his tongue.

She came with a silent cry on her lips, shuddering. She grabbed at the counter top to stop herself from falling and sighed, rocking her hips.

Steve came up for air, wiping his mouth as Darcy turned around.

She hopped awkwardly onto the counter top and drew him in, kissing him. She sucked on his tongue and could taste her own musk.

She felt drunk. She was addicted to him.

She sighed as he kissed her neck, lining them up. She wanted to kiss him for a while as he was inside.

They both gave short gasps as Steve’s cock pushed between her wet folds, and they entered their own world of just the two of them. They found a rhythm, Steve’s hips grinding slow as Darcy kissed his face, his mouth and his neck.

Darcy ran her fingers down his sides and back, loving how warm and safe she felt in his arms. She tugged at the bottom of her sweater and pulled it off along with her shirt beneath.

Steve bent to kiss the swell of her breast, hands going to the clasp on her back and unfastening it.

Her bra fell away and his mouth went to one nipple as his rutting sped up.

Darcy could barely hold on with all the sensations and bit her lip as she rocked with him.

“I want to see you when you come,” she murmured, knowing he had to be close.

His breathing was getting heavy and he was clumsier and needy.

He pulled back from her chest and nodded, kissing her on the forehead.

He huffed. “You drive me crazy. I’m gonna come so hard, Darce.”

She chuckled, feeling light-headed. “You want to come inside me?”

“Please?” he asked, and Darcy realized he meant it.

“Go ahead, Steve,” she replied, his hips never slowing while she kissed him with her eyes open.

She sucked on his lower lip and he lost momentum, shuddering as his eyes widened.

“ _Ah_ ,” he gasped, eyes squeezing shut as he lost control, coming deep inside her.

-

Darcy woke the next morning with an ache between her legs and she rolled over to see Steve dressed and sitting with a small box resting on his palm.

“Morning,” he said softly, and Darcy smiled.

“Merry Christmas,” she said, and Steve leaned down to kiss her.

When they finally broke apart, Darcy looked at the little box with one narrowed eye.

“It’s not a ring,” Steve said, and Darcy laughed.

He handed it to her and she opened it, one hand going to her chest.

“Steve.”

“It’s my old dog tag,” he said, though Darcy knew it when she laid eyes on it.

“I can’t have this,” she said, feeling her throat tighten. “It’s too much.”

Steve shook his head. He plucked it from the box and untied it as Darcy moved to sit up in bed. He helped put it on, and once it lay cool against the skin of her chest Darcy felt her heart squeeze.

“Steve.”

“I want you to have it. Just – just in case. Please.”

Darcy nodded. She kept rubbing it between her two fingers as Steve watched her.

“I love you,” she said, and Steve smiled.

“I love you, too.”

-

So much had happened in so little time. Steve knew that he was a shell before Darcy came along. He knew he was not a good leader or even a good friend.

He was going to get better. He already was. He ate breakfast with Darcy and then went down to the labs to find the others and wish them a happy Christmas.

Everyone was either sleeping off last night or taking time for themselves. Darcy was still wrapping some presents in his apartment with his dog tag around her neck.

He found Natasha in a study going through holofiles.

“Nat –”

She turned her head and smiled. She beat him to it.

“Merry Christmas, Steve.”

“Thanks, Nat. Merry Christmas.”

They sat together for a while, Natasha flipping through files as Steve watched. There were still so many friends missing or dead.

But he was going to give it his best shot to get them all back. He had to.

A voice came through over the intercom.

“Hi, uh – is anyone home?”

Footage popped up in place of the file Natasha had open. It was the view of the front door, showing a van with a figure standing beside it.

Steve’s mouth fell open.

“This is Scott Lang. We met a few years ago…”

Steve rose from his chair.

“…at the airport, in Germany. I got really big.”

Steve didn’t take his eyes off Scott as he asked Natasha, “Is this an old message?”

“Ant-Man? I know-I know you know that…”

“It’s the front door,” Natasha said, stating what Steve knew to be true.

“That’s me, can you buzz me in?” Scott Lang asked the camera, pointing to the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU for reading! ❤❤❤
> 
>  
> 
> [Darcyland Universe Discord](https://discord.gg/NkJngjb)  
> [my Tumblr](http://grimeysociety.tumblr.com/)


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